I got some sleep this weekend and it really felt good. I think I’ve been operating on less sleep than I need – and I’m not sure why I’m not getting enough. I am not staying up particularly late. Maybe it is the QUALITY that is the problem. Whatever the problem is, I need to figure it out and fix it. I cannot sleep in both days every weekend. Nor can I go to bed at 9 pm every night. Sigh.
Anyway, the increased sleep has helped me feel better. I still have the same issues I’ve had recently (go figure – sleep helps a lot of things but it doesn’t FIX problems) but I think perhaps I have the energy to face things a little better now. I’ve got to make sure I make getting a good night’s sleep a higher priority.
What else is going on? I think we’ve gotten through the flurry of doctors/dentists/ orthopedic doctor appointments that we have every so often. We should be good for a while. That makes me happy because (a) who likes to wait in doctor’s offices? and (b) I shouldn’t have to ask for help with schedules and watching children so much for a while now. I really don’t like asking for help; it makes me feel vulnerable and I also feel like I’m imposing on people.
I had a bit of a surprise this week at work that has left me…speechless, for lack of a better description. My supervisor gave me a hard copy of my “goals” for 2016 – I don’t know how to explain them because they are broad, very broad. I really don’t care for the system that our company uses for goals but, as an analyst, I wasn’t consulted (LOL). Anyway, part of the goals included a section of “competencies”, with both positives (things I do well) and negatives (areas that need improvement). I was shocked at the negatives; they were so negative that I really think I have to rethink my position at the company. They really came out of left field. For example, one of the “competencies” was Integrity and Trust; one of the negatives said that I may not be viewed as a team player, and that I might be viewed at only out for myself. Seriously? How on earth could anyone have EVER arrived at that? I don’t talk to the people I work with enough for them to have that view of me. I always help when asked; I cannot think of a single time I said no. Do I need to be more proactive? Oh yes. Am I a team player? To the best of my ability.
There were more, of a similar nature. Just completely blindsided me. I’m stunned. And this is after I got a decent review for 2015. I’m just beside myself. Unfortunately, I’m also 46 and looking at the possibility of being denied a chance at a job due to my age. Yeah, I know places say they don’t age-discriminate, but they do nonetheless. I don’t know what to do now. I suppose I poke around and see what’s out there. I don’t have to leave the job I have now until I can find something else. Still….I hate this feeling of being ambushed.
Well I suppose there is always something going on in life. Life is full of changes; maybe this is just time for me to change jobs. I’ve got to think about this carefully.