Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?


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One step forward, two steps backward

I suppose that isn’t really true right now, but it feels like it at times.  I’m struggling to keep my head above water again and I’m not sure why.  My anxiety is up to levels that are decidedly uncomfortable and I’m lethargic, slow to do much of anything, and fairly apathetic about things that I should be concerned with (like general housework, self-care, etc.).  I’ve called my therapist and made an appointment because I’m not sure what’s getting to me.  I made it through the holidays, work isn’t great but it isn’t terrible either, and the family is getting back to normal after several weeks of colds.

Maybe I’m tired.  Maybe I miss my father (oh definitely to that).  Maybe I need a break.  I just don’t know.  I’m sure I’ll work through this and feel better soon, but I wish I knew the trigger.  I hate not knowing what is causing something.

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Some weekends are just like that

This was a lovely weekend but we got very little done, really.  We did a few things – my husband called to arrange to sell our dead car (at the ripe old age of 19 years) for parts and to have it towed, and I went out for some “me time.”  I did do a little laundry and get groceries – you know, the basics.  Nothing else was accomplished.  I feel a little bad because, well, there are always things that need doing, but sometimes you need to just stop and enjoy family, football, and your hobbies.

Well, Andy and I are working on our motivation levels and every weekend can’t be filled with activity and productivity.  I’ve found that I need down time and quiet time, specifically, to recharge for both work and family time during the week.  I love my family but even with them I need time to myself.


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Finding meaning in life

I’ve realized that I am seeking some meaning in all of the things that I have gone through over the past eight years.  Really, me and all of my family, to be more accurate.  If I can find some purpose, some meaning, some way of using my experiences to help others, I believe that it will all be bearable.

So…now to think of what I have learned through my experiences, to share what I’ve experienced and what I have come out of the storm knowing.  Maybe it will help others.  Maybe it will help me just to share.  Maybe it will do both.

Hope