Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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A Day at the Park

Ok – it wasn’t a day.  It wasn’t even two hours, but it was as long as I could take the anxiety.  Mom, my son Alex, and I went to an enclosed park/playground with Sophie.  It is the only place that I know of locally that Sophie can run around free.  Of course, I was completely paranoid the entire time and followed her closely.  I think we need to do this again as much for me as for her, so that I can learn to not hover over her and let her have some fun.

At any rate, she did run all over the park, leading me on quite a bit of walking/running.  I gave her space but not so much that I couldn’t cover it in a heartbeat as needed.  I think she had a great time.  Eventually, Alex and I both got tired of keeping up with her so much and we decided to call it a day, but we at least got some time out in the fresh air.

This taught me a lot.  I realize now how anxious I do get out in public, and why I haven’t taken her very many places.  This level of stress and anxiety isn’t healthy in large doses.  It also taught me that she needs to go to this park from time to time so she can experience a little freedom and independence.  That would probably be good for both of us.



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Well time is really flying by

I really had such good intentions this year, with keeping up with my blog and a number of other things.  Like exercise.  Like taking better care of myself.  Like taking better care of my home.

Funny how quickly that can fall by the wayside.

I am not even sure why it has either.  Nothing really bad has happened this year.  There has been nothing family or work-wise that would have, or should have, knocked me off of my path, away from my goals.  There is just a feeling of apathy, just a lack of desire to get up and moving.  Perhaps it is that I turned 44 in February; on that note, next year should be interesting.  My therapist says he tends to see women in his practice (and his wife, also a therapist, agrees with this) around milestone birthdays, such as 30, 40, 45…etc.

Anyway, perhaps I am feeling just…apathetic…because the current place I am in in my life is nowhere near where I expected to be at this point.  I thought I would have a better handle on life.  I thought things would be…simpler.  Silly me!  Really, I am not sure what I expected; I’ve never thought life was or would be easy.  Still, I didn’t expect to have lost my house, to have a special needs child, to be working part time because day cares wouldn’t accept my child.


Anyway, whatever the reason, I am trying to pull myself together.  This blog is really a helpful thing for me.  It allows me to vent.  It allows me to connect with others who understand what my life is like.  It helps me organize my thoughts and make sense of what is going on around me.  I need to get back to it.

What prompted this is an interesting thing – it had nothing to do with any of what I have typed.  A blog that I follow ( posted sometime ago about “polite” things that people say that can be annoying or frustrating to autism parents.  It really struck a chord with me and it reminded me (it, and the comments on it) that it really feels good to be part of a community.  It helps more than words can say to know that other people understand and GET what life is like for me.  It was a reminder that I need to reconnect to that community and get away from the depression-inducing (or depression-induced) isolation.

So…here I go – reconnecting 🙂

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Twice exceptional children

I learned something new this week – I learned what “twice exceptional children” means.  It seems that our oldest child is on the autism spectrum.  My husband and I have fought (well, argued) against this “label” for some time, but when we went to his IEP meeting this week, some valid points were made to support it.  In addition, we had him evaluated and the verdict was that he may have a learning disability of some sort.  (We’re going to have another evaluation done, just as a side note).

At any rate, in the discussion of autism and his difficulties in the classroom and socially, we also discussed his strengths.  They told us that he does VERY well with reading and math, so much so that the school has run out of books to test him on.  He’s in second grade, and they say he’s reading past a sixth grade level.  That’s when they said he’s a “twice exceptional child.”  We’re going to look into the gifted program for next year – and he’ll still be considered as part of the special needs program as well…

Needless to say, this has been a lot to absorb.  And I’m having to fight the urge to beat myself up because we’ve argued so long against autism.  I know that it doesn’t do any good to kick myself, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stop.  I keep telling myself that all I can do is the best I can, with the information that I have at the time.  Sigh.

Well, we’re going to readjust, shift our thinking, and move on.  Here’s to twice exceptional children, good support systems, and a village looking out for children!