Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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Movie Marathon Weekend

Pooped in your shoes I have.jpg

Ok so this was NOT the most productive weekend ever.  It was, however, delightful.  The kids had a sleepover with Grandma and Poppop Friday night, so my husband and I decided to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy over the course of the weekend.  I love those stories so much.  The movies are beautifully done, in my opinion, so we had a terrific time.  It was nice to spend some concentrated time watching something that we both really wanted to with less concern about kids being present.

Saturday I continued the movie marathon by having my “girls day out” in our bedroom and watching the original Star Wars trilogy by myself.  It would have been more fun with my husband but he volunteered to watch the kids so I could have some time to myself.  The quiet of time uninterrupted combined with one of my favorite movies (actually three…) was fantastic.

I think time to myself is incredibly important right now and I am trying to ensure that I get it fairly regularly.  Our daughter has developed some behavior issues relatively recently and is … challenging at times (well, go figure – what child isn’t at times).  If I don’t get time alone once in a while, I find it much harder to be patient like I need to be with her.  I think this was a great self-care weekend!

And next weekend?  We’re off – my husband, myself, and our son – to the National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington, DC.  It is on Saturday but we’re going up early to meet the LGS Foundation group for a Meet and Greet Friday night as well as to spend some time Saturday looking around DC with our son.  He’s at a prime age to enjoy it.

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One step forward, two steps backward

I suppose that isn’t really true right now, but it feels like it at times.  I’m struggling to keep my head above water again and I’m not sure why.  My anxiety is up to levels that are decidedly uncomfortable and I’m lethargic, slow to do much of anything, and fairly apathetic about things that I should be concerned with (like general housework, self-care, etc.).  I’ve called my therapist and made an appointment because I’m not sure what’s getting to me.  I made it through the holidays, work isn’t great but it isn’t terrible either, and the family is getting back to normal after several weeks of colds.

Maybe I’m tired.  Maybe I miss my father (oh definitely to that).  Maybe I need a break.  I just don’t know.  I’m sure I’ll work through this and feel better soon, but I wish I knew the trigger.  I hate not knowing what is causing something.

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A lovely weekend overall

My husband and I take turns getting out of the house with friends (or on our own).  It is our system for ensuring that each of us gets a chance to recharge before starting a week – well, ok, normally it is one of us one Saturday, and the other the next Saturday.  We had special circumstances this weekend, so I went out Saturday and Andy went out today.

We don’t tend to do terribly exciting things.  It isn’t really WHAT we do, but the fact that we have a period of time where we are not responsible for anyone but ourselves and in which we can do anything we want, or nothing at all.  I think this is the single best thing we do for ourselves at this point.  My husband doesn’t seem to need time alone quite as much as I do, but I think that both of us really need time to step away from the overwhelming responsibility and seriousness of a chronically ill child.  We love her dearly, but the weight of responsibility and worry is tremendous.

Anyway, we each had our time away, plus the kids had a sleepover at Grandma’s on Friday, so we also had couple time – another necessity.  That was lovely.  We had a peaceful dinner together, got to eat it while it was hot and without interruption!  Who would have thought? LOL.

I will say that breaking two toes does make it difficult to go “out and about” to have quiet time.  I did manage to go to the library and read for quite a while.  I also went to our local botanical gardens (you will see various pictures posted in my blog from this lovely place).  Rather than walking around the gardens, I found a quiet place to read for a while, and I took the boat tour – about a 45 minute ride.  The narration of the boat ride varies from guide to tour guide so I can do this from time to time.  I love going to the gardens and not being able to walk as much as normal is frustrating, but the boat ride is beautiful.  We saw four young cormorants perched, drying, on a dead tree.  There were a number of herons in trees  and a few great blue herons.  Fish were jumping – apparently the lake, which is a small local reservoir, is stocked with a number of nice fish.

Great Blue Heron

The cormorants are fascinating to watch.  They are related to the loon, and are diving birds.  They sit very low on the water because they lack the gland that makes other water birds boyant.  Consequently, when they are in the water they almost look like little Lock Ness monsters …or snakes moving through the water in a remarkably erect position…Watching them dive after fish is interesting; they can hold their breath up to five minutes but don’t usually stay under that long.  They go under and can swim quite a ways so it is easy to miss when they come back up.  The lighter ones shown here are young ones; I have never seen these here before.  The darker ones are adult.

Young CormorantsAdult Cormorant






*NOTE: I should add that these are not pictures I’ve taken; I googled.  They do however look just like our locals!