I really had such good intentions this year, with keeping up with my blog and a number of other things. Like exercise. Like taking better care of myself. Like taking better care of my home.
Funny how quickly that can fall by the wayside.
I am not even sure why it has either. Nothing really bad has happened this year. There has been nothing family or work-wise that would have, or should have, knocked me off of my path, away from my goals. There is just a feeling of apathy, just a lack of desire to get up and moving. Perhaps it is that I turned 44 in February; on that note, next year should be interesting. My therapist says he tends to see women in his practice (and his wife, also a therapist, agrees with this) around milestone birthdays, such as 30, 40, 45…etc.
Anyway, perhaps I am feeling just…apathetic…because the current place I am in in my life is nowhere near where I expected to be at this point. I thought I would have a better handle on life. I thought things would be…simpler. Silly me! Really, I am not sure what I expected; I’ve never thought life was or would be easy. Still, I didn’t expect to have lost my house, to have a special needs child, to be working part time because day cares wouldn’t accept my child.
Anyway, whatever the reason, I am trying to pull myself together. This blog is really a helpful thing for me. It allows me to vent. It allows me to connect with others who understand what my life is like. It helps me organize my thoughts and make sense of what is going on around me. I need to get back to it.
What prompted this is an interesting thing – it had nothing to do with any of what I have typed. A blog that I follow (http://autism-daddy.blogspot.com/) posted sometime ago about “polite” things that people say that can be annoying or frustrating to autism parents. It really struck a chord with me and it reminded me (it, and the comments on it) that it really feels good to be part of a community. It helps more than words can say to know that other people understand and GET what life is like for me. It was a reminder that I need to reconnect to that community and get away from the depression-inducing (or depression-induced) isolation.
So…here I go – reconnecting 🙂