Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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Sleepless nights…

Why is it that I am so very tired during the day, but when time for bed finally arrives…my eyes pop back open? Sigh…

I almost fell asleep at my desk at work today, but now that I should go to bed, I cannot get to sleep. This has gone on for quite some time now – and it is beyond annoying…

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Trying to keep moving…

But it is so hard. I’ve been trying to get back into keeping this blog going. I type faster than I write so it is easier for me to do this right now than keep a paper journal. Still, I keep having the life and energy sucked right out of me. Every time I think I’m getting back to a better state in life, something else happens to kick the feet right out from under me.

But, as my family keeps reminding me, it could always be worse. (Thanks for the thoughts, folks, belittling my problems doesn’t make it easier for me to live with them!)

Anyway, I may gripe a bit, but I’m going to try to keep this going. It is good for me to have a place to write, to vent, to complain. It is far better to get all of this out and release the grief, the pressure, the depression.

On a different note, I would love to know how I can be this tired and still not be able to get to sleep… I think my mind is just racing when I go to bed, but it doesn’t seem to be anything specific.  I suppose it is just the general stress of my life, but it is certainly TERRIBLY inconvenient.  My two small children will not care that I was up until 1 am this morning, when they wake up between 5:30 and 6:30 this morning.  Sigh.  What is going on … and how do I fix it?


What can I do to improve my life right now?

I have been worrying a lot about our situation (go figure – both of us without jobs and we have two small children). Well, that really doesn’t help anything. The question right now is, “What can I do to improve our situation/my life?”

There are things I can do on the financial front.

  • I can get haircuts a bit less frequently.
  • I can make recipes that stretch food a bit more – things that are filling but take less meat for example.
  • I can look at less expensive fruits and vegetables.
  • I can make sure that the loads of laundry are full.
  • I can look into insurance since we’re going to need to change soon.

There are things on a stress-relief level:

  • I can write down my worries at night before bed and pick it up in the morning.
  • I can take 15 minutes a day to have peace and quiet or listen to music.
  • I can take the time to soak in nice bath once  a week.
  • I can get out of the house once a week, even if I don’t have errands that need running.