Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?


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Loneliness

I feel as if I am trapped between worlds, belonging in neither.  I have a special needs child.  My friends who don’t don’t include me any more, yet my daughter is mobile and relatively healthy despite her special needs.  I don’t feel as if I really fit in with other special needs parents.    I don’t know why I feel this way; it isn’t as if I have been asked to leave a group.  I just feel neither one nor the other.

The question is, I suppose, “Have I really accepted that she is special needs?”  I think that I have.  She is 10 years old, but more like 2 years old developmentally.  She has a rare, severe form of epilepsy so yes, her condition is life-threatening.  She is in special education and has been since she was 2 (well, it started as early intervention).

So why do I feel as if I don’t fit in with other special needs parents?  I don’t really know.  But I hate this feeling of being alone, of being isolated.  I guess in part I want my “friends” who have non-special needs kids to come back, to welcome me.  Typing that out, I have to say that I think I need better friends if they were so quick to abandon me.

At any rate, right now I feel alone and that I’m a misfit.  And that really stinks because I felt like that in high school and that was enough of that.  I didn’t think that would develop again as a parent.

lonely


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Seems like just yesterday

It seems like just yesterday that I brought an adorable, serious little guy home from the hospital.  In reality, he is now 12 years old, as of this afternoon.  So hard to believe.  So far from the serious little guy that we brought home from the hospital that he is almost as tall as I am.  Sigh.  Now, I’m the proud mother of a child just short of his teens…how did THAT happen?

I’m so proud of him.  He is sweet, caring, thoughtful, and smart.  He held the door for me at dinner tonight, asked me if I needed help with something I was carrying, and he’s funny to boot.  We have our times when we but heads but overall, he’s a wonderful son.

 

6-7-17 ALex


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Miscellaneous Thoughts

Things I need to do this week:

  • Wrap presents                                  Done 12/23/16
  • Get groceries                                     Done 12/19/16
  • Get prescriptions                             Done 12/20/16
  • Determine what to make for Christmas dinner
  • Bake for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day
  • Get packages from office               Done 12/19/16

Things I WANT to do this week:

  • Read
  • Crochet
  • Get laundry done in timely fashion    Done 12/20
  • Not stress out!