Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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I was doing so well…until I saw the Krispy Kreme advertisements….

Snowman donuts

Snowman donuts (Photo credit: clio1789)

And so my holiday splurge began.  Red velvet cake donuts, gingerbread donuts…snowman donutes…coffee…ummm.  It was a delightful, if not even slightly healthy, start to the day.  I SWEAR I’ll be good the rest of the year…really!

Sigh.  I had the best of intentions…but those ads have been everywhere today, honest!

And I was GOING to walk today…but I was attacked by laundry that needed doing, as well as a grocery list that was terribly insistent (well, that and two hungry children and a hungry husband who really felt it couldn’t wait…).

Next week.  Next week is going to be better – more fruits, more vegetables, fewer donuts…(is my sincerity slipping?) 😉

Ah well, I ought to relax and finish off this year as it is.  Start thinking about things about next year, but not stew about them.  Almost like planting a seed and giving it peace, to grow in.

Baby Sloth

Baby Sloth (Photo credit: Adam C. Smith Photography)


Pulling myself together…again

How to do this?  I don’t get it.  I keep trying.  I keep trying to get myself back on track and out of this depression.  This is an incredible fight – and it is absolutely exhausting.  I am doing everything that I know how to do to get back to a functional, productive state…and I keep backsliding.  It is so frustrating.

I need to eat better, and drink less coffee.  I need better sleep – and I think both of those will help with the third.  It is certainly harder to stay positive when you are tired.  And when you know you’re not taking care of yourself.

I need more exercise and more time outside.  A little bit of sunshine might help as well (I do have to watch how MUCH sunshine, but some would be good).  I’m going to go for a long walk in botanical gardens today.  That is a good first step.

I need to focus on gratitude again.  I think I have lost sight of how much I do truly have to be grateful for; I have problems, but they could be so much worse.

I need to remember my goals and focus on them again.  Maybe putting one foot in front of the other will help me get moving toward my goals again.

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Trying to keep moving…

But it is so hard. I’ve been trying to get back into keeping this blog going. I type faster than I write so it is easier for me to do this right now than keep a paper journal. Still, I keep having the life and energy sucked right out of me. Every time I think I’m getting back to a better state in life, something else happens to kick the feet right out from under me.

But, as my family keeps reminding me, it could always be worse. (Thanks for the thoughts, folks, belittling my problems doesn’t make it easier for me to live with them!)

Anyway, I may gripe a bit, but I’m going to try to keep this going. It is good for me to have a place to write, to vent, to complain. It is far better to get all of this out and release the grief, the pressure, the depression.

On a different note, I would love to know how I can be this tired and still not be able to get to sleep… I think my mind is just racing when I go to bed, but it doesn’t seem to be anything specific.  I suppose it is just the general stress of my life, but it is certainly TERRIBLY inconvenient.  My two small children will not care that I was up until 1 am this morning, when they wake up between 5:30 and 6:30 this morning.  Sigh.  What is going on … and how do I fix it?