Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?


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A sleepy weekend

I got some sleep this weekend and it really felt good.  I think I’ve been operating on less sleep than I need – and I’m not sure why I’m not getting enough.  I am not staying up particularly late.  Maybe it is the QUALITY that is the problem.  Whatever the problem is, I need to figure it out and fix it.  I cannot sleep in both days every weekend.  Nor can I go to bed at 9 pm every night.  Sigh.

Anyway, the increased sleep has helped me feel better.  I still have the same issues I’ve had recently (go figure – sleep helps a lot of things but it doesn’t FIX problems) but I think perhaps I have the energy to face things a little better now.  I’ve got to make sure I make getting a good night’s sleep a higher priority.

What else is going on?  I think we’ve gotten through the flurry of doctors/dentists/ orthopedic doctor appointments that we have every so often.  We should be good for a while.  That makes me happy because (a) who likes to wait in doctor’s offices? and (b) I shouldn’t have to ask for help with schedules and watching children so much for a while now.  I really don’t like asking for help; it makes me feel vulnerable and I also feel like I’m imposing on people.

I had a bit of a surprise this week at work that has left me…speechless, for lack of a better description.  My supervisor gave me a hard copy of my “goals” for 2016 – I don’t know how to explain them because they are broad, very broad.  I really don’t care for the system that our company uses for goals but, as an analyst, I wasn’t consulted (LOL).  Anyway, part of the goals included a section of “competencies”, with both positives (things I do well) and negatives (areas that need improvement).  I was shocked at the negatives; they were so negative that I really think I have to rethink my position at the company.  They really came out of left field.  For example, one of the “competencies” was Integrity and Trust; one of the negatives said that I may not be viewed as a team player, and that I might be viewed at only out for myself.  Seriously?  How on earth could anyone have EVER arrived at that?  I don’t talk to the people I work with enough for them to have that view of me.  I always help when asked; I cannot think of a single time I said no.  Do I need to be more proactive?  Oh yes.  Am I a team player?  To the best of my ability.

There were more, of a similar nature.  Just completely blindsided me.  I’m stunned.  And this is after I got a decent review for 2015.  I’m just beside myself.  Unfortunately, I’m also 46 and looking at the possibility of being denied a chance at a job due to my age.  Yeah, I know places say they don’t age-discriminate, but they do nonetheless.  I don’t know what to do now.  I suppose I poke around and see what’s out there.  I don’t have to leave the job I have now until I can find something else.  Still….I hate this feeling of being ambushed.

Well I suppose there is always something going on in life.  Life is full of changes; maybe this is just time for me to change jobs.  I’ve got to think about this carefully.

 

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Woo-hoo…I’m an employee

With benefits and sick/vacation time and everything!  Yay!

Ok, nothing has really changed with the job, I’ll admit.  I already worked on things that most companies I worked for in the past would never have put a temp on, so access hasn’t changed.  Still, it feels a little more secure (even though I know that’s an illusion) and that makes me happy.

That’s one problem down – and quite a number a head of me…but I’m happy, so happy, to scratch one off the list and move on.  I’ll get my life back in order even if it is a small step here, a small step there…and at a snails’ pace.  At least I’m moving in the right direction.


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New job

The first day is over.  I’m really pretty tired, which is funny.  I got up at exactly the same time as I have been normally lately and I got out of the house.  I wouldn’t have thought that my job would have caused this, but I suppose it is mental tiredness as opposed to physical.

Overall, thus far I would have to say that the job isn’t as bad as I thought it would be but it also isn’t as good as the agency said it would be.  (Surprise, surprise.  I will also say that I’m done with agencies.  Yes they found me this job, but only after I informed them that I had a serious job possibility.)

We shall see how this goes.