Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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Wow…it is a wonder there aren’t cobwebs here…

It wasn’t intentional.  My goal is to post at least three times a week (well – ok at least ONCE a week!) but I haven’t managed it.

Of course my computer crashed.  I need my husband’s help in getting it up and running and that hasn’t been forth coming.  Sigh.  That’s going to drive me to do it myself, which is good for me no doubt, but I have so many other things that need doing.  Sigh.

Well… to catch up:  we went as a family to see Santa and have a pancake breakfast at my three-year-old’s school. That was a first for all of us and it was tremendous fun.  My one-year-old sat on Santa’s lap and tried to eat the jingle bell on his belt.  That was adorable.  My oldest, the three year old, wouldn’t sit on Santa’s lap but he would sit near him…if I did.  Sigh.  Still, we got a cute family picture out of it.

Late last week, the company I have been doing temp work for made an offer.  And I accepted.  It isn’t effective until January, but that is fine by me.  It is just WONDERFUl knowing (a) someone wants me and (b) I’m going to stop being “temporary” – these days that word just makes me nervous.

That’s about it.  I am sure I’ll think of something I should have added when I no longer have computer access – that seems to be the way it works.  Sigh.


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Whew! What a relief!

My husband had a three-hour interview today at the company I work for – and they offered him the job!  Yay!

I cannot even BEGIN to describe the relief.  Two years…it has been two years since he lost his job.

There is some celebrating going on here, let me tell you!

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I’m so tired…

My husband has been out of work since July 3, 2006. I was out of work long before that because I got laid off and then went back to school. Yes, that’s right – neither of us is working. We now have two children. And a mortgage. The stress levels are getting (heh, have gotten) almost unbearable.

I’m at a loss. I KNOW I’m depressed – I’m on antidepressants now and have been for about 5 months. I suspect my husband is depressed; he shows all the signs of it. However, he will NOT go to the doctor. He needs to go anyway because he has gone off his thyroid medicine, but he won’t call. He won’t admit that he’s depressed. He has stopped pretty much all of his normal activities: exercise, cutting the grass, and so on. He has started reading again, but that is not exactly one of the more productive things I’ve seen him do.

I’m frustrated, scared, tired…I want to help him but I’m at a loss. I cannot make a grown man go to the doctor. I can’t make him talk about the depression. I cannot make him do the things he needs to be doing. I’m doing the best I can with what I can do: I’m taking care of the kids, the house, trying to get a job. But I don’t know how much longer this can go on.

I believe everything happens for a reason, but I’m afraid the reason here escapes me. Is there something I’m supposed to be learning here? If there is, I’m not sure what it is.