Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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Well the world hasn’t ended…yet

The way some people talked following the election, you would have thought life as we knew it was over.  Of course, Trump has yet to take office and some of his choices for positions around him are eyebrow-raising to say the least.  Still, life goes on and food still needs to be put on the table so at some point you have to get on with things.

Like colds.  Colds wait for no election, no inauguration, etc.  Our little girl has a cold now and missed three days of school this week.  Her father stayed home with her and both of them developed a bad case of cabin fever.  I love my family but having both of them home all afternoon meant I was with people 24 hours a day for three days.  Aaaargh!

I’m one of those people who need at least some quiet time to myself even if I don’t really do anything.  It just helps me unwind and “un-people” –  I suppose you could call it decompressing.  Being around people takes a lot out of me.

My son is having issues at school like he did in elementary school, much to my chagrin.  I just don’t know what to do about it.  We have an appointment on Monday to have him evaluated for autism.  We shall see if that makes any difference.  I just don’t know how to help him succeed.  All I want is for him to do well and be happy.  Sigh.  I’m really worried for him.

That’s about all these days – such an exciting life.  LOL.  Well I have had “exciting” times in life that were enormously stressful and I don’t want any more of those, thank you very much.  To quote Danny Glover from Lethal Weapon:  “I’m getting too old for this sh**.”

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I don’t know where we go from here

How do you start over, really?  It is a great idea, the idea of a clean slate.  Unfortunately, I get the impression life isn’t really like that.

Today we let go of our townhouse.  There is no way the house will sell for enough to cover what we owe.  It is painful but true.  A lot of bad things coincided in our lives.  Now we have to pick up the pieces.

I don’t even know where to start.  It is like rebulding a city after something comes through and just knocks things over and destroys them at random.  Where do I start?

Well, I suppose you start with the people.  So, I’m going to start with my family.

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For every step forward there seems to be two, maybe three steps back.  This time the bad news came from my husband’s side of the family.  A 22-year-old cousin found out that the growth on his brain is, in fact, cancerous.  (They had said it was benign, so … we’re a bit … speechless.)  He’s been told he’s got a year, tops.  There is something he can go to Johns Hopkins for, but it’s success rate is about 40%.  We’re waiting to see what he decides to do.  He was in the midst of planning his wedding when they discovered the growth was cancerous.  It is “Stage 3, agressive”.

I have been wondering if I could bring myself to write about this at all.  I’ve been struggling with my own problems for a long time now and I was starting to feel like I was finally getting my head above water.  (Actually, I guess I still do feel that way…).  Now…my heart hurts for him rather than for me and my family.  Different kind of pain.

I’m trying to absorb all of the issues that have been thrown at our family recently.  It is not easy.  My grandmother’s dementia, my cousin with cancer, my husband’s cousin with cancer, … there’s nothing I can do about any of it.  Maybe that’s the lesson for me here.  Sometimes in life you have to let go, to recognize that you are not in control and you cannot fix everything.  I think perhaps that I need to remember that.  My little girl’s seizures?  Can’t fix them, no matter how much I may want to.

Well, God bless our family members and their families.  They need it.