Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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Being present


Today I had a day out – Mama’s Day Out…lol.  Sometimes you just HAVE to do it.  I went to the botanical garden near us, which is gorgeous.   Most of the people caring for the plants are volunteers; they have even had some nearby military folks come in for various projects.  All of them do a spectacular job.

Anyway – all of that to say that I went there today to stop: stop thinking too much, stop worrying needlessly, stop getting ahead of myself, and stop being anxious.  I simply walked (a lot – 10,000+ steps) and sat.  Today was about 80 degrees, sunny and breezy.  I’m not sure what the humidity was, but it was incredibly low for this time of year.  It was perfect.  I could hear the birds calling, children playing in their area of the gardens, and planes taking off from the airport next door.  I felt the breeze ruffling my hair, the sun on my face and the occasional flick of an insect landing on me.  I got to see a turtle doing his best “I’m the King of the World” (from Titanic) on a log in the water, and a red-headed woodpecker hopping on a tree.

I feel so much better now.  Amazing what stopping and taking a pause from life will do for you.

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You change your life by changing your heart

You change your life by changing your heart.

Max Lucado

I am working on that.  I have been detoxing my life in a lot of ways over the last eight months or so, changing who I associate with, what I put into my body, even the thoughts I think and the way I spend my “free time” – such that it is.

Somewhere along the way, in the midst of all the troubles we’ve had, I fell off the path.  I lost my way, I lost my sense of purpose and hope.  I hope that I am getting back to a healthy place now, more like ME.  I forgot to be true to myself, and that really makes life a struggle.

Ways that I’ve been working on all of this are journaling, goal-setting, doing some painful inventorying of my life.  I’ve taken days off the computer.  I’ve taken entire days out of the house in silence.  I’ve started reading again – and consequently, looked hard at the ways I had been spending my time.  I’ve slowly started breaking bad habits, trying to substitute good ones – i.e., reading for computer games, fruit for sweets, etc.

I hope that I am FINALLY getting back to a good place and getting back to being the person I truly want to be.Hi Friend

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Well, we ARE a sharing family….

Of course, in this sense, I do believe ALL families are sharing: my daughter is now sick.  She does NOT have strep, but she has missed four days of school this week.  I suppose it is only natural, but everything seems to affect her differently than the rest of us.  One interesting side note: out of a family of four, she is the only one who seems to have no allergies.  Good thing, since allergy medicine would be MUCH more complicated for her, or so I’ve been told (no antihistimines for people with epilepsy).

At any rate, she seems to be gaining strength and energy for the most part now, but it has been a LONG week.  Keeping her brother entertained as he got better, and now keeping HER from getting cabin fever, is quite the job.  My husband has NO idea how much I’ve enjoyed going to work this week…LOL.

Other than that, all is well.  I am trying to get more enthused about exercise.  I’m slowly detoxing my life: cutting ties that were inappropriate or too negative, cutting back on alcohol, paying more attention to sleep and to what I put into my body in terms of food.  I have bad days (don’t we all) but I’m finding that I am slowly starting to feel better.  I realized tonight just how much I need a regular quiet time to wind down and just…be.  I have really become fairly anxious again, and my nervous habits are coming out.  That amazes me – when I’m not stressed, I don’t do these things, but when I am, I do.  It just seems odd, but it does tell me when something is going on with me, even if it is not a problem that I’m consciously aware that I am worrying about.  (Not sure that makes sense, but hey – it is after midnight.  I’m lucky I can type!)

On that note, I’m heading to bed.  To anyone reading this…sweet dreams – and listen to your body.  You’d be amazed at what it can tell you.Beauty sleep - Grumpy Cat