Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Leave a comment

The song is ended

The song is ended, but the melody lingers on.   Irving Berlin

A great aunt passed away yesterday.  She was literally my great aunt being my grandmother’s sister, but she was also a fantastic aunt.  She was like a second mother to me, as well as my mother.  My mother and I lived with her and my uncle for a while when I was a child and I loved her and respected her.

Her passing was both expected and a shock; it is peculiar how that can be true but it is.  She had been suffering from a form of dementia for some time and had recently been declining.  I didn’t expect her to live but so much longer, but this was a shock.  She was found dead by her daughter on Sunday.  No last illness, no warning really.

I go from numb to teary in a flash.  All it takes is a memory, or talking to my mother, or seeing a post by our family.  This is the fourth death within less than 12 months between my family and my husband’s; can I just say that this is exhausting?

Well, at least she is no longer trapped in her body, watching life slip away.

Rest in peace and thank you for all that you gave me and did for me.  I love you.


Lingering and letting go

One of my cousins is dying.  Well, he is really already gone, but his body doesn’t know it yet.  He had multiple heart attacks last week and suffered so much oxygen deprivation that the damage done was too much for his body to overcome.  The doctors weren’t sure about that until yesterday when they did an MRI and saw the extent of the brain damage.

It is remarkable that he has held out this long – and it is remarkably hard to let him go.

He and I weren’t really that close.  He is roughly 10 years or so my senior so as kids, that was a pretty big gap.  Once we both grew up, we lived in different places and had different lives and really never connected.  But there was always the chance that we COULD.  Now, that’s gone and I realize that I missed that chance.  Of course, by the time you realize something like this, it is always too late, always in hind sight.

I hope that his spirit moves on, beyond the pain and struggle of this life.  I hope that he forgives my neglect and that I forgive myself in the end.  I also hope that I take this lesson and use it well.

God bless him and his family.