Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?


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Well the world hasn’t ended…yet

The way some people talked following the election, you would have thought life as we knew it was over.  Of course, Trump has yet to take office and some of his choices for positions around him are eyebrow-raising to say the least.  Still, life goes on and food still needs to be put on the table so at some point you have to get on with things.

Like colds.  Colds wait for no election, no inauguration, etc.  Our little girl has a cold now and missed three days of school this week.  Her father stayed home with her and both of them developed a bad case of cabin fever.  I love my family but having both of them home all afternoon meant I was with people 24 hours a day for three days.  Aaaargh!

I’m one of those people who need at least some quiet time to myself even if I don’t really do anything.  It just helps me unwind and “un-people” –  I suppose you could call it decompressing.  Being around people takes a lot out of me.

My son is having issues at school like he did in elementary school, much to my chagrin.  I just don’t know what to do about it.  We have an appointment on Monday to have him evaluated for autism.  We shall see if that makes any difference.  I just don’t know how to help him succeed.  All I want is for him to do well and be happy.  Sigh.  I’m really worried for him.

That’s about all these days – such an exciting life.  LOL.  Well I have had “exciting” times in life that were enormously stressful and I don’t want any more of those, thank you very much.  To quote Danny Glover from Lethal Weapon:  “I’m getting too old for this sh**.”

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The Walk in DC? More like a RUN for me

Oh my.  There are absolutely no words for our experience at the National Walk for Epilepsy this year.  Mostly, that is because we didn’t make it.  We drove to DC.  We enjoyed the hotel room for several hours.  Then…we went to the Meet and Greet for the LGS (Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome) Foundation.

Now our darling daughter had taken off twice already in the hotel, which had startled us fairly thoroughly.  I keep wondering what we could have done differently, but I am not sure if there is ANYTHING we could have done differently.  After all, we do the best we can, really we do.  Anyway, during the meet and greet, my husband and I kept having to take Sophie out of the main room and walk around with her.  Well, it was my turn and she jerked her hand and ran, ran, ran.  Unfortunately, she ran through the lobby and straight for the front door – an automated revolving door.   If it hadn’t been automated she would not have been able to get through it, but there you have it – it IS automated.  Sigh.  I ran, ran, ran after her, feeling my heart pounding its way out of my chest.  I was close to her, but not nearly close enough.  God bless the valets parking cars.  One of them saw her run out onto the sidewalk near the street and he grabbed her arm, enabling me to catch up.

Seriously.  I took her straight to our hotel room, where we could keep her SAFE, and promptly got hysterical.  I suppose the best thing I can say about that is that I was able to keep my head until it was safe to lose it – my MIL was in the room and was able to comfort me and distract both of our children until I could pull myself together.

My husband and I talked a short while afterward about what to do – whether to stay and try to attend the walk or just head home.  In all honesty, I just wanted to go home after all of that.  (In addition, our eldest started throwing up before his sister did her escape act.)  So…after the three hour drive in the morning, the three hours in the hotel, we drove home.

I slept from the time we got home (about midnight) until 11:30 the next morning, then again from 2 pm to 6:30, then went to bed around 10.  That is all that I want to do right now.  Sigh.

I am sure that we will all recover from this over time, but …wow.

Some days hurt so badly that I cannot even begin to express it.


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Well time is really flying by

I really had such good intentions this year, with keeping up with my blog and a number of other things.  Like exercise.  Like taking better care of myself.  Like taking better care of my home.

Funny how quickly that can fall by the wayside.

I am not even sure why it has either.  Nothing really bad has happened this year.  There has been nothing family or work-wise that would have, or should have, knocked me off of my path, away from my goals.  There is just a feeling of apathy, just a lack of desire to get up and moving.  Perhaps it is that I turned 44 in February; on that note, next year should be interesting.  My therapist says he tends to see women in his practice (and his wife, also a therapist, agrees with this) around milestone birthdays, such as 30, 40, 45…etc.

Anyway, perhaps I am feeling just…apathetic…because the current place I am in in my life is nowhere near where I expected to be at this point.  I thought I would have a better handle on life.  I thought things would be…simpler.  Silly me!  Really, I am not sure what I expected; I’ve never thought life was or would be easy.  Still, I didn’t expect to have lost my house, to have a special needs child, to be working part time because day cares wouldn’t accept my child.

Sigh.

Anyway, whatever the reason, I am trying to pull myself together.  This blog is really a helpful thing for me.  It allows me to vent.  It allows me to connect with others who understand what my life is like.  It helps me organize my thoughts and make sense of what is going on around me.  I need to get back to it.

What prompted this is an interesting thing – it had nothing to do with any of what I have typed.  A blog that I follow (http://autism-daddy.blogspot.com/) posted sometime ago about “polite” things that people say that can be annoying or frustrating to autism parents.  It really struck a chord with me and it reminded me (it, and the comments on it) that it really feels good to be part of a community.  It helps more than words can say to know that other people understand and GET what life is like for me.  It was a reminder that I need to reconnect to that community and get away from the depression-inducing (or depression-induced) isolation.

So…here I go – reconnecting 🙂