Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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One year ago, you left us.  I cannot believe it has been so long.  Seems like just yesterday and it hurts as much now as then.  I loved you, and still love you, so very much.  I at least know that I told you that before you died.  I know that you knew it.  But I want to tell you again.  I want another hug, a kiss, a long talk.  Sigh.

Rest in peace, Daddy – and know that you are loved and missed very much every day.

11-8-07 Granddaddy & Both Kids (1)

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Wow. Just….wow

I thought that losing my father, a great aunt, my grandmother, and my husband’s aunt was enough for the year.  It seems that 2016 isn’t done with our family yet.  I found out today that my stepfather has stomach cancer, that it is advanced and inoperable, and that it has spread.

I’m speechless.  I have had a rough relationship with him in recent years, but he’s been married to my mother for 30+ years and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.  I wouldn’t have our relationship end like this.  Ugh.


Please pray for our family.  2016 has been a challenge.


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The song is ended

The song is ended, but the melody lingers on.   Irving Berlin

A great aunt passed away yesterday.  She was literally my great aunt being my grandmother’s sister, but she was also a fantastic aunt.  She was like a second mother to me, as well as my mother.  My mother and I lived with her and my uncle for a while when I was a child and I loved her and respected her.

Her passing was both expected and a shock; it is peculiar how that can be true but it is.  She had been suffering from a form of dementia for some time and had recently been declining.  I didn’t expect her to live but so much longer, but this was a shock.  She was found dead by her daughter on Sunday.  No last illness, no warning really.

I go from numb to teary in a flash.  All it takes is a memory, or talking to my mother, or seeing a post by our family.  This is the fourth death within less than 12 months between my family and my husband’s; can I just say that this is exhausting?

Well, at least she is no longer trapped in her body, watching life slip away.

Rest in peace and thank you for all that you gave me and did for me.  I love you.