Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?


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Water, water everywhere

Well, this is an apt title on two fronts: the outdoors and the indoors lately.  It has rained for two days now and water has nowhere to go.  It is both messy and depressing.

In terms of indoors, our little angle (ha!) has discovered a new way to get me up and paying attention to her: reaching over the kitchen counter and spraying the kitchen with water.  Sigh.  We placed a paper box, folded, at the edge of the counter, hoping that it would either distract her, or would limit the temptation to reach over by hiding the kitchen sink.  She’s not that silly.  So…now to find a way to discourage her.  I cannot give her undivided attention the entire time I am at home.

That girl – always keeping us on our toes.

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Ah the new year

What a start to a new year.  It has to improve from here.  I started feeling bad on 12/31.  I thought, “Oh no.  Not just in time for New Year’s Eve.”  Well yes, actually.  I was hoarse and my eyes were burning but I did indeed manage to stay up until 12:01 am 1/1/18 with my 12-year-old son, much to his delight.

I have gone to the local urgent care center three times since 1/1.  I’ve seen an eye doctor.  I FINALLY got a strong antibiotic yesterday.  And finally, I think I’ve turned the corner.  In this process, I have had the worst case of pink eye that I’ve ever seen or had, had a painful cough.  I am SO tired of this – I don’t have time for this – lol, or the energy.

One thing I’ve learned from this is that I need to speak up, repeatedly if necessary, until I am heard.  When I went to the urgent care center the first time, I told them I had an eye infection and a sinus infection.  All they gave me was an antibiotic, which the eye doctor later told me would have done nothing.  They ignored the sinus infection, and I was too miserable from the eye infection to think about it at the time.  Next time, I’m going to repeat myself firmly until I’m heard!  I know my body better than they do!

At any rate, I’ve only had three doses of the antibiotic but it definitely seems to be working.  Such a relief.  After eighteen days of being fairly miserable for one reason or another, the idea of feeling normal again is exciting.  Being me might be a good thing again!

 

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A Day at the Park

Ok – it wasn’t a day.  It wasn’t even two hours, but it was as long as I could take the anxiety.  Mom, my son Alex, and I went to an enclosed park/playground with Sophie.  It is the only place that I know of locally that Sophie can run around free.  Of course, I was completely paranoid the entire time and followed her closely.  I think we need to do this again as much for me as for her, so that I can learn to not hover over her and let her have some fun.

At any rate, she did run all over the park, leading me on quite a bit of walking/running.  I gave her space but not so much that I couldn’t cover it in a heartbeat as needed.  I think she had a great time.  Eventually, Alex and I both got tired of keeping up with her so much and we decided to call it a day, but we at least got some time out in the fresh air.

This taught me a lot.  I realize now how anxious I do get out in public, and why I haven’t taken her very many places.  This level of stress and anxiety isn’t healthy in large doses.  It also taught me that she needs to go to this park from time to time so she can experience a little freedom and independence.  That would probably be good for both of us.