Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?


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A sleepy weekend

I got some sleep this weekend and it really felt good.  I think I’ve been operating on less sleep than I need – and I’m not sure why I’m not getting enough.  I am not staying up particularly late.  Maybe it is the QUALITY that is the problem.  Whatever the problem is, I need to figure it out and fix it.  I cannot sleep in both days every weekend.  Nor can I go to bed at 9 pm every night.  Sigh.

Anyway, the increased sleep has helped me feel better.  I still have the same issues I’ve had recently (go figure – sleep helps a lot of things but it doesn’t FIX problems) but I think perhaps I have the energy to face things a little better now.  I’ve got to make sure I make getting a good night’s sleep a higher priority.

What else is going on?  I think we’ve gotten through the flurry of doctors/dentists/ orthopedic doctor appointments that we have every so often.  We should be good for a while.  That makes me happy because (a) who likes to wait in doctor’s offices? and (b) I shouldn’t have to ask for help with schedules and watching children so much for a while now.  I really don’t like asking for help; it makes me feel vulnerable and I also feel like I’m imposing on people.

I had a bit of a surprise this week at work that has left me…speechless, for lack of a better description.  My supervisor gave me a hard copy of my “goals” for 2016 – I don’t know how to explain them because they are broad, very broad.  I really don’t care for the system that our company uses for goals but, as an analyst, I wasn’t consulted (LOL).  Anyway, part of the goals included a section of “competencies”, with both positives (things I do well) and negatives (areas that need improvement).  I was shocked at the negatives; they were so negative that I really think I have to rethink my position at the company.  They really came out of left field.  For example, one of the “competencies” was Integrity and Trust; one of the negatives said that I may not be viewed as a team player, and that I might be viewed at only out for myself.  Seriously?  How on earth could anyone have EVER arrived at that?  I don’t talk to the people I work with enough for them to have that view of me.  I always help when asked; I cannot think of a single time I said no.  Do I need to be more proactive?  Oh yes.  Am I a team player?  To the best of my ability.

There were more, of a similar nature.  Just completely blindsided me.  I’m stunned.  And this is after I got a decent review for 2015.  I’m just beside myself.  Unfortunately, I’m also 46 and looking at the possibility of being denied a chance at a job due to my age.  Yeah, I know places say they don’t age-discriminate, but they do nonetheless.  I don’t know what to do now.  I suppose I poke around and see what’s out there.  I don’t have to leave the job I have now until I can find something else.  Still….I hate this feeling of being ambushed.

Well I suppose there is always something going on in life.  Life is full of changes; maybe this is just time for me to change jobs.  I’ve got to think about this carefully.

 

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Tomorrow I become a REAL employee…

Yay!  I’m no longer a temp…

Yes, the agency served its purpose and led to me and my husband BOTH getting jobs…but they did no more than they had to and they certainly were not helpful in fixing problems I had.  I won’t miss them at all – and I hope not to go back.

It feels good to move into a “permanent” position, even though I know there’s not really job security anywhere anymore.  Temps are usually the first to go, so it is good to get away from that.  I feel more secure, and that is a relief of some of my stress.

Here’s to a bright new year, and hope for the future.


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Wow…it is a wonder there aren’t cobwebs here…

It wasn’t intentional.  My goal is to post at least three times a week (well – ok at least ONCE a week!) but I haven’t managed it.

Of course my computer crashed.  I need my husband’s help in getting it up and running and that hasn’t been forth coming.  Sigh.  That’s going to drive me to do it myself, which is good for me no doubt, but I have so many other things that need doing.  Sigh.

Well… to catch up:  we went as a family to see Santa and have a pancake breakfast at my three-year-old’s school. That was a first for all of us and it was tremendous fun.  My one-year-old sat on Santa’s lap and tried to eat the jingle bell on his belt.  That was adorable.  My oldest, the three year old, wouldn’t sit on Santa’s lap but he would sit near him…if I did.  Sigh.  Still, we got a cute family picture out of it.

Late last week, the company I have been doing temp work for made an offer.  And I accepted.  It isn’t effective until January, but that is fine by me.  It is just WONDERFUl knowing (a) someone wants me and (b) I’m going to stop being “temporary” – these days that word just makes me nervous.

That’s about it.  I am sure I’ll think of something I should have added when I no longer have computer access – that seems to be the way it works.  Sigh.