Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Loneliness

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I feel as if I am trapped between worlds, belonging in neither.  I have a special needs child.  My friends who don’t don’t include me any more, yet my daughter is mobile and relatively healthy despite her special needs.  I don’t feel as if I really fit in with other special needs parents.    I don’t know why I feel this way; it isn’t as if I have been asked to leave a group.  I just feel neither one nor the other.

The question is, I suppose, “Have I really accepted that she is special needs?”  I think that I have.  She is 10 years old, but more like 2 years old developmentally.  She has a rare, severe form of epilepsy so yes, her condition is life-threatening.  She is in special education and has been since she was 2 (well, it started as early intervention).

So why do I feel as if I don’t fit in with other special needs parents?  I don’t really know.  But I hate this feeling of being alone, of being isolated.  I guess in part I want my “friends” who have non-special needs kids to come back, to welcome me.  Typing that out, I have to say that I think I need better friends if they were so quick to abandon me.

At any rate, right now I feel alone and that I’m a misfit.  And that really stinks because I felt like that in high school and that was enough of that.  I didn’t think that would develop again as a parent.

lonely

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