I feel as if I am trapped between worlds, belonging in neither. I have a special needs child. My friends who don’t don’t include me any more, yet my daughter is mobile and relatively healthy despite her special needs. I don’t feel as if I really fit in with other special needs parents. I don’t know why I feel this way; it isn’t as if I have been asked to leave a group. I just feel neither one nor the other.
The question is, I suppose, “Have I really accepted that she is special needs?” I think that I have. She is 10 years old, but more like 2 years old developmentally. She has a rare, severe form of epilepsy so yes, her condition is life-threatening. She is in special education and has been since she was 2 (well, it started as early intervention).
So why do I feel as if I don’t fit in with other special needs parents? I don’t really know. But I hate this feeling of being alone, of being isolated. I guess in part I want my “friends” who have non-special needs kids to come back, to welcome me. Typing that out, I have to say that I think I need better friends if they were so quick to abandon me.
At any rate, right now I feel alone and that I’m a misfit. And that really stinks because I felt like that in high school and that was enough of that. I didn’t think that would develop again as a parent.