Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Leave a comment

Wow. Just….wow

I thought that losing my father, a great aunt, my grandmother, and my husband’s aunt was enough for the year.  It seems that 2016 isn’t done with our family yet.  I found out today that my stepfather has stomach cancer, that it is advanced and inoperable, and that it has spread.

I’m speechless.  I have had a rough relationship with him in recent years, but he’s been married to my mother for 30+ years and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.  I wouldn’t have our relationship end like this.  Ugh.


Please pray for our family.  2016 has been a challenge.


Leave a comment

Am I speaking a different language?

I’m having issues at work.  I believe that I am being grossly misunderstood and I’m not sure why.  I speak English.  I am fairly well educated so I believe I speak it better than average.  And yet, I am completely misunderstood at work and talked to for doing something that I didn’t do at all.

I may be over-reacting but I don’t like the feeling of being misunderstood or the consequence of being pulled aside and talked to about “misbehavior” that I never did. I have spent two days now mentally gnawing at events from Friday and I hate that; nothing I do should occupy my off-work time.  Seriously, nothing I do is that earth-shattering.  I audit.  Is it important to the company?  Yes.  Should I be worrying about work on the weekend?  No.

Earlier this week, I sent a woman that I work with an email stating that I couldn’t finish two audits, but that I had to leave.  She assigns me work but doesn’t supervise me.  It seems that she and my boss both interpreted the email as me leaving early, and leaving my work for others.  Now, I work part time and I am currently working on an adjusted schedule for the summer as I have kids.  I leave at 11 and I sent the email at 11, so I did not leave early.  However, on Friday, I was pulled aside and lectured on the fact that the company had worked with me on adjusting my time, that leaving early meant time had to be made up, that I should come in early to do so, that they didn’t micromanage anyone to see that it was done …etc., etc.  I was caught by surprise, thinking that the woman would understand my email and would actually appreciate it because she needs to know when audits cannot be performed in their assigned time frame (i.e., daily, weekly, etc.).  I was also lectured for not taking time to open one of the audits long enough to discover there were no files to audit; that much I take responsibility for.  I should have worked over to make sure there was something to audit.   The rest however was wrong and I shouldn’t have incorrect information held against me.

I don’t mind constructive criticism.  I will work to improve myself – sometimes people see things that need improving that I don’t see myself and that’s fine.  However, when all you can say is that the company has already been flexible with my time and that I should come in even earlier than 7 am to make up non-existent missed time, I have problems with that; I don’t react well.  And the way this conversation was handled wasn’t good – it felt like an attack so I withdrew mentally and emotionally instead of responding properly.  I hate it when I do that but it seems to be my instinctive reaction.

I don’t need advice on this per se but I did need to vent.  I’ve stewed about it all weekend and I’m no happier now than I was on Friday.  Do I go in and try to fix misconceptions or do I just let them think what they are going to think anyway?  It is my instinct to go in and say, “Hey, I didn’t leave early so I’m not sure what that was all about.”  But that won’t change anything, really.

You teach people