Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

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Moving Forward

Well, we took a step forward today.  I’m trying to focus on the positive and not beat myself up for not doing this sooner.  We had the initial meeting to answer questions about our family and our daughter to get an ABA therapist to come in and work with our daughter.  I’m so excited about the help we’re on the way to getting.  Today’s session was just a question and answer session; now they have to start the process of getting approval for the service from our insurance company – and that could take some time.  Still, to think that we will (hopefully) soon have someone coming in that understands the challenges we face with a child with both epilepsy and autism to help us help HER better is so exciting!

The areas they should be focusing on, according to what we talked about today, include communication and finding out the root cause of behavior issues we’ve had, potty training, and day-to-day tasks like dressing/undressing, putting toys away, etc.  We’ll see how this works out, but it has promise.  I’m just excited at the thought that we could achieve these goals.  I know that that remains to be seen, but this is the most hope that I’ve had in a long, long time.

Hope is a wonderful feeling.


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Gratitude, 3/21/16

I am grateful for my parents and my parents-in-law, who have been tremendously supportive and encouraging.

I am grateful for my life, even with the challenges and dark periods – because life is good, overall.

I am grateful for peace and quiet at the end of the day, and for kids giggles during the day.

I am grateful for my son’s beautiful smile when he’s truly happy.

I am grateful for my husband.


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A sleepy weekend

I got some sleep this weekend and it really felt good.  I think I’ve been operating on less sleep than I need – and I’m not sure why I’m not getting enough.  I am not staying up particularly late.  Maybe it is the QUALITY that is the problem.  Whatever the problem is, I need to figure it out and fix it.  I cannot sleep in both days every weekend.  Nor can I go to bed at 9 pm every night.  Sigh.

Anyway, the increased sleep has helped me feel better.  I still have the same issues I’ve had recently (go figure – sleep helps a lot of things but it doesn’t FIX problems) but I think perhaps I have the energy to face things a little better now.  I’ve got to make sure I make getting a good night’s sleep a higher priority.

What else is going on?  I think we’ve gotten through the flurry of doctors/dentists/ orthopedic doctor appointments that we have every so often.  We should be good for a while.  That makes me happy because (a) who likes to wait in doctor’s offices? and (b) I shouldn’t have to ask for help with schedules and watching children so much for a while now.  I really don’t like asking for help; it makes me feel vulnerable and I also feel like I’m imposing on people.

I had a bit of a surprise this week at work that has left me…speechless, for lack of a better description.  My supervisor gave me a hard copy of my “goals” for 2016 – I don’t know how to explain them because they are broad, very broad.  I really don’t care for the system that our company uses for goals but, as an analyst, I wasn’t consulted (LOL).  Anyway, part of the goals included a section of “competencies”, with both positives (things I do well) and negatives (areas that need improvement).  I was shocked at the negatives; they were so negative that I really think I have to rethink my position at the company.  They really came out of left field.  For example, one of the “competencies” was Integrity and Trust; one of the negatives said that I may not be viewed as a team player, and that I might be viewed at only out for myself.  Seriously?  How on earth could anyone have EVER arrived at that?  I don’t talk to the people I work with enough for them to have that view of me.  I always help when asked; I cannot think of a single time I said no.  Do I need to be more proactive?  Oh yes.  Am I a team player?  To the best of my ability.

There were more, of a similar nature.  Just completely blindsided me.  I’m stunned.  And this is after I got a decent review for 2015.  I’m just beside myself.  Unfortunately, I’m also 46 and looking at the possibility of being denied a chance at a job due to my age.  Yeah, I know places say they don’t age-discriminate, but they do nonetheless.  I don’t know what to do now.  I suppose I poke around and see what’s out there.  I don’t have to leave the job I have now until I can find something else.  Still….I hate this feeling of being ambushed.

Well I suppose there is always something going on in life.  Life is full of changes; maybe this is just time for me to change jobs.  I’ve got to think about this carefully.