Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Some days it is just hard to keep your chin up

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I can’t really explain what the problem is today.  All I can say is that today is a down day.  I just have struggled this week, in fact, with staying positive and maintaining motivation.  I suppose that there will always be these days, but it gets frustrating.  My husband stayed home from work this week – two days.  He is struggling with depression, and with several situations at work.  He’s trying to figure out what he needs to do, and in the mean time, is really uncomfortable at work.

While I get that, and while I support him in whatever he decides, it makes me tremendously anxious.  And his absences are worse.  I am so afraid that he is going to lose his job.  All of this has caused the memories of losing our townhouse, of going into tremendous debt, of all of the struggles after that to resurface.  Talk about a trigger.  This is awful.  I’m walking a fine line between being supportive and becoming completely unnerved.

I suppose that’s what is underlying this current state of being “down,” for lack of a better description.  Sigh.

I hope he can resolve his work situation soon – before I lose my grip!  I am trying to find ways to work on my insecurities without adding pressure to him.  No doubt he is rather unnerved as well.  This too shall pass.  I can get through this.  I have the strength and the smarts to get myself and our children through this.


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