I realize why I’m not getting out of the depression – something that needs to change isn’t changing. I know what I need to do, but I’m afraid. And I think until I do what is really necessary, this state of depression will stay as is. Well, it may rise and fall like a tide but it will not go away until something else changes.
Which leads me to fear. I’m not a coward – I have faced and survived so much. But I am afraid of big changes and what needs to change in my life is huge. Unfortunately nobody can do this for me. I have to decide which path I want to take in my life (and it will affect at least five others) and then take steps to move forward.
Why is it so difficult to do what you know you need to do? Why am I treading water in fear, rather than biting the bullet and moving on? Sigh.