Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

I can…

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I need to do better about sleep, crochet, reading, and a number of things but I do thing this has been a fairly productive week/month.

Overall I feel good about a number of steps I have taken. I am drinking less. Still more than I should perhaps at a sitting, but I have cut back. I am not drinking as often. I am journaling more. I am doing 750 things more. I am responding to online friends more – yes, I wish I had more “real life” friends but I like any friends I’ve made :-D. I am crocheting more. I do wish I was sleeping more, but I think I may need a weekend out of town for that…lol, and naps and hugs too.

I am walking more. I am taking better care of myself, overall, though I still see some somewhat negative trends. I am working harder at work, though I still have a tendency to doze when trying to do audits. That is something I really need to fix, and I am not sure how to do it. I cannot really bear the thought of going to bed right after the kids every night. Surely that is not necessary. Sigh.

I do think I need to improve in some areas. Yes, I can still cut back on the drinking. I can exercise more – I’ve slacked off a bit recently in the walking due to humidity/heat. I can focus more on the kids and work harder on exercises for them. I can cook more for all of us. I can research Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome and make myself as much of an expert as I can be.

I can truly become an advocate for both of my children and learn to be a better mother. I can seek counselling and become a better me. But I can continue to work on not beating myself up on my failings. I think I am getting better at that.

I can give myself treats and pamper myself from time to time. It is perfectly acceptable to take care of myself so that I can take care of others.

I can seek ways to get Andy and I out of the morass that we find ourselves in. I can help us find our way to a better family life, even given the circumstances. I can reach out to family, if I decide that that is what I want.

I can sleep more – go to bed earlier – give up silly wastes of time. Some relaxation is a good thing, too much is not!

I can recognize when I have past the bounds of reasonableness and get up and do what needs to get done.

I can write out what stresses me.

I can write letters to my children for the future, so they can see the progress they’ve made and how proud I am of them. Sigh I have already missed a few years, despite my best intentions. This would be a great gift at some point – for them, or for me, or for both.

I can start working on new picture albums for Christmas – no doubt the grandparents would enjoy that and so would I.

I can really learn to be a great friend – I have a great teacher.

I can continue to write this way – it is a great brain drain and a great motivator and a great source of ideas.

I can write. I can teach my children a love of reading. I can teach them a love of nature. I can teach them and show them gentleness.

I can remember Pop and Grandmother and focus on what they meant to me – and try to pass that on.

I can advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves.

I can stand firm, stand strong, and stand for what I believe in – and let go the issues with my family.

I can be the better person in certain family situations.

I can stand up for my children, even with their grandparents, and express my concerns in certain situations – long family story.

I can do what I need to do for my children, and face my personal aftermath on my own. I owe that to my children. They need my “Mama Bear” protection, regardless of my own personal issues.


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