Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Roller Coaster Rides ‘R Us

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What a beautiful day! It is bright, sunny and warm but not hot. I’ve gotten the kids off to school, I’m having a Starbucks treat, I’ve talked to a dear friend, and I have actually accomplished things like cleaning my desk and reorganizing (at least a little). I feel so good! I’ve been out for a drive, dropped off prescriptions, straightened, made meals for the kids, and thrown things away that I needed to. I helped my son write a letter to his Granddaddy and put it in the mail.

Such a good start to the weekend. I feel better than I have in a long, long time. Productivity feels good – and I think for me, being unproductive is a sign that I’m struggling. No, I don’t have to be productive all the time – there are certainly appropriate times to be unproductive. However, I’ve noticed that when I go through a long period of it, I don’t feel right. I feel out of kilter, off balance, and generally unhappy. However, that could be the coffee talking!

What would I like to do today? Go for a walk at a park, doing nothing but focusing on the walk, my breathing, and the sounds of birds. I’d like to clean the house a bit and wash the rugs – goodness knows they need it. I’d like to finish these 750 words. I’d like to play with my children and give them baths. I’d like to have some fun in the midst of the work and productivity. I’d like to read for fun, read with my son, write, and crochet. I want to be creative. I want to play games. I’d like to spend time with a friend, but that doesn’t look like it will happen today.

I’m working on a wrap for a cousin who is fighting melanoma. It is a lovely, sunny shade of yellow. Normally, I really am not that into yellow but this is such a cheerful color. I hope that she will like it and use it. It is kind of a variation on a prayer shawl – a variation largely because I don’t belong to a church and won’t be having it blessed. I am, however, praying as I make it. I believe that is the core of the idea.

Other things going on: I am getting more rest overall and feeling better, despite the allergies. Unfortunately, in this area, those are unavoidable. Sophie is doing well overall. She is getting more and more expressive which is exciting. She lets us know when her brother has done something that upsets her in the normal fashion now: she cries. She didn’t used to do that – in case anyone wondered just how different our little princess is. She is learning a lot of things that so many of us take for granted. It is an amazing process – and some days it is depressing but I am trying to focus on the fact that she IS moving forward. This is a good thing, regardless of the position from which she is starting. Progress is progress! She’s also learning new tricks with her medicine…giving her her liquid one is quite a problem now. She saves it in her cheeks like a chipmunk and apparently can hold it in there for quite a while. I was fairly certain Wednesday that she had actually taken it, so I gave her some waffle, in preparation for the rest of her pills – when she let all of the liquid just pour out of her mouth. I suppose I should just be grateful she didn’t spit it on me…sigh. The thing is that I had actually held her head tilted back, pressed on her cheeks, tickled under her chin and other things that I thought would make her swallow…sigh. I’m afraid that she is quite creative when it comes to not taking medicine. We’re working on explaining how important that it is for her to take it, but obviously we’re not sure how much of that she understands. And of course, she doesn’t understand epilepsy at all. Sigh. It is quite an adventure.


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