Seriously, I thought I had a good head on my shoulders; was fairly calm, organized, mature…I thought I was ready. And yet it seems like so many of my decisions since then have been…not the best. I wonder some days if I made ANY good decisions between then and now – but that’s largely on my more depressed days (in case you hadn’t guessed…). I know some things I decided – like marrying my husband – were good decisions. But so many seemed to have ended up so poorly. I suppose a lot of this feeling is coming from hind sight, which doesn’t really help matters.
Overall, my life is good – but I am so very far from where I thought I would be at 40. On a completely different path, basically from the top down. This isn’t where I meant to be at all, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I love my children, and I have finally gotten out of the field I fell into and hated … but I don’t know that I’ll ever get to finish my degree. And even if I do, I find it highly unlikely that anyone will hire me once I do – thanks to my age.
On the other hand, there is no reason I cannot get my degree and work on my own. I just have to be creative about it – and creativity is one of my strong suits. Hmm…that’s something to think about.