Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

I’m not as strong as I thought…


Well, I guess that isn’t exactly true.  I’ve decided to go back on antidepressants.  That doesn’t make me weak.  That just means I’m in a situation in which I need some help.  I have finally reached the point of admiting that I need help, and reaching out for it.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  Now I know that there is a point at which I need the assistance of others, that I need some help.  I’m discovering that despite what I’ve thought in the past, I do need others.  I do need to lean on others sometimes.  And that is OK.

I’m tired. I”m so tired.  I think the changes that we’ve been making lately have finally started to hit me.  I think I finally recognize that I’ve left my home, my community, my friends.  I miss my house, etc.  I miss it all.  I miss the life I had.  I need to let go of it and I’m having a hard time with that.  I finally am starting to deal with the reality of “starting over”.  And it is hard.  It is painful.  How long is this going to go on?  How far down can I sink?  I don’t know.   I know that life is full of ups and downs; I’ve experienced that before and had no problems dealing with the ups and downs.  This is the longest downturn I’ve experienced in my life.  I’ve been depressed for pretty much most of the last four years.  That is a long, long time.  Yes, there have been times that were normal in the early part of it, but they became fewer and farther between.

I need to find ways to cope, to do the things that I must do.

I’ve decided to post this.  This is from June of this year and I never got back to it.  I have come back from the depths and it is truly amazing to realize how fast things can turn around and how close changes can be to a person without them thinking about them realizing it.


3 thoughts on “I’m not as strong as I thought…

  1. First, let me say this: I hope things are going better for you. In my current situation, your last paragraph gives me hope, so thank you.

    Also, you are going to think this is weird, and I think it’s absolutely bizarre, but… My name is also M. Miller. I am the mother of a one year old and a three year old. I’ve just started a postpartum depression blog. I’m just starting over, having left my home, my community, my job… my life. So randomly coming across this post tonight was serendipitous! Good luck to you 🙂


  2. So how’s it going now?


    • Well, my daughter has been diagnosed (last week) with Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome, a severe and rare form of epilepsy. I am sad and I’m struggling with this, but I think I’m doing a much better job keeping my chin up and focusing on what needs to be done and what needs to be faced. It is still very hard, but I’ve also grieved for my losses (described above) and I’ve let them go.

      I think I am coming along and healing – overall. Good thing too – since life keeps throwing me curve balls 😀


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