Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?


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For every step forward there seems to be two, maybe three steps back.  This time the bad news came from my husband’s side of the family.  A 22-year-old cousin found out that the growth on his brain is, in fact, cancerous.  (They had said it was benign, so … we’re a bit … speechless.)  He’s been told he’s got a year, tops.  There is something he can go to Johns Hopkins for, but it’s success rate is about 40%.  We’re waiting to see what he decides to do.  He was in the midst of planning his wedding when they discovered the growth was cancerous.  It is “Stage 3, agressive”.

I have been wondering if I could bring myself to write about this at all.  I’ve been struggling with my own problems for a long time now and I was starting to feel like I was finally getting my head above water.  (Actually, I guess I still do feel that way…).  Now…my heart hurts for him rather than for me and my family.  Different kind of pain.

I’m trying to absorb all of the issues that have been thrown at our family recently.  It is not easy.  My grandmother’s dementia, my cousin with cancer, my husband’s cousin with cancer, … there’s nothing I can do about any of it.  Maybe that’s the lesson for me here.  Sometimes in life you have to let go, to recognize that you are not in control and you cannot fix everything.  I think perhaps that I need to remember that.  My little girl’s seizures?  Can’t fix them, no matter how much I may want to.

Well, God bless our family members and their families.  They need it.


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