Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

I don’t even know where to start…

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So.  I’ll start with Dennis the Menace.  Apparently he moved in with us when I wasn’t looking.  You see, our eldest has now pulled the curtains down – no, not just down but actually OUT OF THE WALL – twice in a week.  He has also discovered he could get in the downstairs bathroom (we’ve fixed that).  Add to that the discovery that nap time and night time are GREAT times for pulling everything out of the dresser and piling it in the bed…and it has been exciting knowing him this week.  (We’re now using a piece of plastic pipe to block him out of the dresser, at least mostly.  He can get a few things out but not everything!)

As for our little miss, she’s having quite a week as well. This one is tough.  She had her first trip to the urgent care place yesterday.  She has had several instances of … odd behavior.  Almost like “mini seizures”.  She tenses up, leans forward a bit (or jerks forward), her arms shake…then it passes and she screams.  She’s responsive afterward, and the first time she calmed down quickly.  Yesterday, she stayed pissed off for quite a while, but didn’t have a second episode that we saw.  The people at the urgent care place told us to take her straight to the ER if the episodes get longer.  They also arranged for her to have an appointment with a pediatric neurologist on Monday; he’ll ( or she’ll) do tests to see if there is any actual seizure activity going on.

What I’m doing now is feeling like the worst mother EVER.  I feel like it is something I did that caused this problem for HRH, although my other half has indeed pointed out that sometimes things just happen.  I am not going to be the cause of everything bad that happens to her and I can’t heap that guilt on myself.  Still.  Suddenly I really realize what it is to want to save your child from everything and just how helpless a parent can feel.  Whatever caused this in Sophie…I can’t stop it, I can’t alter it, I can’t do anything about it.  I’m repeating that to myself, trying to stop stressing myself out completely.

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One thought on “I don’t even know where to start…

  1. You cannot and should not take any blame for this. Sometimes things just happen. Take it easy, well, as easy as you can take it because you will be able to cope better. I hope things improve for your child.

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