I know that it is necessary to, well, work for things that you want. I know that there is a lot of work involved in life, but you know, I realized recently that I need to have more fun in my life. I feel like I’m just waiting….waiting…waiting…for something. Waiting for my husband to get a job. Waiting for a job for myself. Waiting to go back to school. Waiting to see what is going on with my son. Waiting to get over a cold – the second of this winter, which is highly unusual for me. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
And stressing, stressing, stressing. Everything about my life is up in the air right now. Yes, I am looking for work. Yes, it is possible I will have to sell my townhouse and move out of the area. Yes, it looks like I’m going to lose my insurance in a month. Yes, my husband is having trouble getting work and is as depressed as I am.
Surely in the midst of this I can find a way to have SOME fun. I have two children. I should be able to enjoy some of these early days, even under these circumstances. I feel somewhat childish saying, “I wanna have some fun” but I need some relief from (a) the grey winter days and (b) the stresses of my life. I read a book almost cover to cover today (a mystery by Andrew Greeley) for fun and it felt so very, very good. I loved every word of the book. I read it while I held my daughter as she slept; it was nice just to stop everything else, hold her, and enjoy a book. I need to find a way to do this more seriously in my life right now. I thought I had been, but I think I’ve been rushing through that as well – not taking good enough care of myself through these tough times. I think I’m falling back into old patterns of neglecting myself in tough times.