Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Now the aftermath…


I am still trying to pick up the pieces from yesterday’s evaluation of my son.  My friends and family have been very supportive and encouraging so I think I’m mostly back on track – I just have a tiny little voice in my head saying, “You haven’t been doing enough.   You haven’t been working hard enough.” (And so on.)  I’m trying really hard not to listen because, well, what’s done is done and I really was doing the best I could under the circumstances.

I’m just rather tired now.  I keep hoping that 2008 will be a much better year than 2007, but I wonder.  Well, it is too early to tell, of course, so I am just going to keep going.  All I can do is the best I can do; everything else will just have to take care of itself.

I am also trying to focus on things to be grateful for; I would really like to change my focus from a more negative one to something more positive.   Today I am grateful for the overall good health of both children.  I’m grateful for my health as well.  I’m grateful to have a warm house and a roof over our heads.  I’m grateful for the care and concern of friends and relatives (and for people who have commented on my blogs recently).  I’m grateful for friends who have been supportive and have tried to help take my mind of things for a little while.  All in all, there is a lot that is good in my life and I really need to stop and remember that when I start worrying and getting anxious again.


5 thoughts on “Now the aftermath…

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your worries for your son. I remember when my children were young being surprised at the roller coaster of emotions that came along with parenting. I don’t recall anyone warning or preparing me for that, although I probably wouldn’t have listened if they had! Because you are having your son evaluated the voice in your head is wrong, as it usually is. Take what you learn from the evaluation, and also what you feel in your gut as his mom, and move forward one day at a time. I’ve found that putting on headphones and listening to “The Power of Now” on CD to be a kind of meditation that helps me tame that annoying little voice in my head:)


  2. Pingback: Now the aftermath…

  3. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I had been told that being a mother was a tough job (but of course so worth it), but of course, until you experience it, you can’t begin to realize how tough. And I’m just starting out!

    The evaluation has been helpful; I am using it as a starting point to improve somethings. It has made me more aware of how my depression is affecting more than just myself; it is good to get a clearer picture of that, if nothing else. I do believe that I know my children better than anyone else, though.

    I’ll have to try the CD though – it can’t hurt. 😉


  4. I read on 43t that one of your goals is learn about autism. Do the experts think your son might be on the autistic spectrum someplace?

    Samuel is also very very bright and also has points of weakness or places he is behind. I wish I had him evaluated at three. So much of the pain he has experienced could have been avoided.

    I went to a parent meeting last night and I kept flashing back to some of the problems we had before we knew what was up with him.

    Hang in there – and please please please know there are people out here who want to hold you while you vent, cry, are confused, etc.


  5. No – not the experts. My father has been bringing it up frequently. This from a man who has seen my son about 4-5 times in 2 and a 1/2 years. I really don’t know what he’s seeing that concerns him. I know my son isn’t talking as much as he probably should be but everything else has seemed fairly normal. At any rate, since my father keeps bringing it up, I figured maybe I should take a look into it to see if it was a possibility.

    I will say that my son’s doctor doesn’t seem to be THAT concerned; she was concerned enough to recommend that we have him evaluated “just to be on the safe side” but not enough to mention that autism was a possibility. I’m going to talk to her about it. Also about having his hearing checked.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for the concern and comfort. Things are just very…up in the air right now – on so many fronts. My husband’s been out of work for a year and a half. I’ve been out of work longer because I had gotten laid off and gone back to college (plus had two children). Now this….I just feel like my entire life has gone upside down!


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