Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Wow – I can stand up for myself!

2 Comments

You know, I really should have done this some time ago – learned to stand up for myself.  Learned to say something when people make me uncomfortable.  Learned to say something when I think people are crossing boundaries they shouldn’t cross.

I’ve always tried to be the “good girl”, the obedient daughter, the quiet and non-troublesome child (ok, haven’t been a child for some time now – but let’s just let that go).  I’ve listened to my elders and pretty much trusted their judgement above my own as long as I can remember.  Sometimes that’s not a problem; in fact, sometimes, that is an excellent plan.  However, I took it to a new level and just tried to avoid confrontations and uncomfortable explanations.

I have finally told my family that I need them to give me some space.  I need them to stop asking so many questions about my job situation and just let me enjoy the holiday.  They have been badgering me – and not my husband, who lost his job over a year ago – constantly with questions.  I know they do it out of love.  I know that they are concerned.  But they also pepper me with “you should do this, ”  “he should do that,” and so on.  The advice comes from all directions and is frequently contradictory – that is, what I am hearing from one set of parents is completely the opposite of what I am hearing from another.

So far, the results of my request seem mixed.  My parents-in-law are being sensible and respectful; they are doing as I asked, quietly without complaint.  (Well, I assume the no-complaint part; I’m hearing a bit of this back from my sister-in-law, so it is indirect.)  My father seems to be doing the same, but he had told me earlier to let him know if he crossed boundaries, so I expected that reaction.  My mother, on the other hand, seems to have gotten into a snit.  She sent me an email that was fairly brusque.  I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and look at the thing with a kinder eye, since it is difficult to interpret “tone” properly in an email, but from what I know of my mother, I believe my interpretation of her email is correct and that she’s being snide.  Oh well.

I simply cannot live my life by everyone else’s rules, expectations, etc.  I cannot expect to make everyone around me happy – and I don’t want to try anymore.  And  I don’t see the problem in letting people around me know that I’m no longer comfortable.  I am surprisingly comfortable with having done this, despite my mother.

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2 thoughts on “Wow – I can stand up for myself!

  1. Good for you sister, i too am encountering the same opportunity to set boundaries with job probers, whats interesting to me is that much of what they say is a direct reflection of my own beliefs. If something they say feels really red then i check if i believe what theyre saying and if so, change it. Occasionayll though we just have to say no, im not taking that. Heres to the journey, with love

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    • Thank you so much! You’re right – I do try to listen to see if maybe there is some truth, but if there isn’t…well, I’m done with just rolling over and taking it!

      Like

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