Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

It’s never too late to be who you might have been

10 Comments

It’s never too late to be who you might have been. George Eliot

I like that quote, but I wonder if it is true.  I’m a mother of two and I’ve got 17 years of experience in a field that I left (permanently, I thought) three years ago.  I’m “not a spring chicken” anymore, to quote my more colorful relatives.  (Yes, they have quite a gift with words!)

I started college in the College of Engineering at Virginia Tech at the urging of my parents, step-father, and several other well-meaning family members.  “You can make a great living at that,” they said, completely overlooking the fact that I really wasn’t sure that I was all that interested in it.  What I loved at the time (and for many years earlier) was marine biography; my goal/dream was to work with Jacques Cousteau and/or to study sharks.  I excelled at biology and things of that nature, and I didn’t do so well in calculus and technical things.  What possessed my family to urge me into engineering still puzzles me; looking back I realize that all of my strengths were in biology, languages, writing – not maths and physics.

Oddly enough, I have since conquered my math phobia – I earned Bs in two semesters of calculus in the last year or two.  I’m currently studying computer science, having long since realized that I’m too practical to go into marine biology now.  Yes, I’ve talked myself out of it.  Besides, the big lure for me is gone.  Jacques Cousteau is long dead.  I lost that dream a long, long time ago, while I was still studying engineering.

What I wonder now is this: is it to late to be who I might have been?  Is it too late to be the person I might have been had I followed my own star, listened to my own heart and mind rather than those of my well-meaning but misguided family?

I don’t know.  It looks like I’m going to go back to work soon instead of back to class.  My husband’s having a hard time with his job search and one of us has to go back to work.  If I do that and take yet another semester off, I don’t know that I’ll make it back to school to be a programmer.  I don’t know.  I hate to think it is too late to get off this path that I found myself on accidentally after I left engineering.  I want to find  a job that doesn’t make me wince in the morning when I realize it is time to get up.  I want to find something that I love, that enables me to enjoy the time I spend at work.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “It’s never too late to be who you might have been

  1. hi, i search the net abt this quote.. to find out whether it’s actually true.. then i read your story and it’s awfully similar to what i’m facing now.. just that nw im still in that crossroad of choosing my dream, or practicality.. all the best!

    Like

  2. Thank you – all the best to you, as well.

    Like

  3. You will never be able to give fully of yourself if you can’t give fully to yourself. Your unhappiness will leak out into the rest of your life.

    As for it being to late? No, it’s not. Think of it this way, you live right here, right now. Yesterday is gone and you haven’t assembled tomorrow yet. And that never changes – so every little bit counts – any step you take takes you closer.

    (And Jacque Costteau has descendants, and they do the same stuff as he did. Look here: http://www.vestaldesign.com/blog/2005/04/cousteaus-shark-suit.html).

    Like

  4. Was jus looking at the TT forum and clicked your link. I’m in the same situation as you are. I hold a job that pays me well, but I don’t like working under my boss. But I can’t quit my job, since my husband’s business is not doing well. The job that I would like to take up may not pay me as much as this one. I think this is were the proverb ‘You can’t have the cake and eat it, too’ sounds so meaningful.

    Like

  5. Hi, I was searching the web for this quote and found your story, to which I can relate on a number of levels. I am persuaded that it is indeed never too late. The spirit of goal seeking that lies within each of is there for a reason. As someone said here, the greatest gift you can give, is you. We cannot develop inter personal relationships until we develop an intra personal relationship, the relationship with ourself. This is not a narcissistic way of living; it’s being happy with who you see in the mirror each morning. Not accomplishing that, leaves us not giving the rest of the world our very best. Thank you for an insightful post.

    Like

  6. You’re welcome – and thank you for your response; it gave me a lot to think about.

    Like

  7. I was also searching the web for this quote – I realize that I’m late to the party but just have to respond.

    NO – it’s NEVER too late. I’m 57 and am just finishing my first semester as an art student in a fine arts program. I spent my entire life searching for what it is I wanted to do and stuffed down my needs in order to please everyone else. I’ve discovered that I actually have talent and amazing myself and my entire family with what I’ve accomplished so far. I feel like all the doors and windows in my life have been opened and the sky is the limit and that I can do ANYTHING.

    Like

    • That’s fantastic – and thank you for sharing that. It is encouraging! I’ve felt rather discouraged over the past several years, like I have wasted my chance – I’d like to think I can still do something with my life!

      Like

  8. Hi MMiller, I notice this blog is very old but I hope it finds you now working as a computer programming. It is never to late to change your life. If you continue to do the same things in life you will continue to receive the same results. CHANGE is wonderful. Indulge yourself and to for it.

    Like

    • Thanks – I am not working as a programmer, but I do enjoy what I am doing now. I’ve had some twists and turns – my little girl was diagnosed with Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome (rare, severe form of epilepsy) and I’ve had to alter my work schedule because national chains would not take her in to daycare. But, you know, this has given me more time with my children and still allowed me to get out of the house and work two days a week, so I think this is working out well. I can work on programming in the evening, and enjoy learning it – I don’t have to make it my career. I’m beginning to realize that it helps a great deal in life if you can be flexible and go with the flow, and stop fighting the changes. My life is good now, even if it isn’t anything like I expected it to be.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s