Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

I’m so tired…

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My husband has been out of work since July 3, 2006. I was out of work long before that because I got laid off and then went back to school. Yes, that’s right – neither of us is working. We now have two children. And a mortgage. The stress levels are getting (heh, have gotten) almost unbearable.

I’m at a loss. I KNOW I’m depressed – I’m on antidepressants now and have been for about 5 months. I suspect my husband is depressed; he shows all the signs of it. However, he will NOT go to the doctor. He needs to go anyway because he has gone off his thyroid medicine, but he won’t call. He won’t admit that he’s depressed. He has stopped pretty much all of his normal activities: exercise, cutting the grass, and so on. He has started reading again, but that is not exactly one of the more productive things I’ve seen him do.

I’m frustrated, scared, tired…I want to help him but I’m at a loss. I cannot make a grown man go to the doctor. I can’t make him talk about the depression. I cannot make him do the things he needs to be doing. I’m doing the best I can with what I can do: I’m taking care of the kids, the house, trying to get a job. But I don’t know how much longer this can go on.

I believe everything happens for a reason, but I’m afraid the reason here escapes me. Is there something I’m supposed to be learning here? If there is, I’m not sure what it is.

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