Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Happiness is a butterfly…

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Happiness is a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. Nathaniel Hawthorne

I’ve really had a hard time lately. It seems like the depression is overcoming even the medicine that I’m on. I’m trying so hard to keep myself busy, get exercise, eat reasonably healthily, and so on. I try to get a reasonable amount of sleep. I’ve tried everything I can think of to fight the stress and so on. I’ve got to work on my attitude.

I’ve always been told, “God helps those who help themselves.” I am putting out my resume now, trying to get a job that I definitely don’t want. As I said earlier, I am trying all sorts of things to keep me going in the mean time. Maybe I’m fighting the current flow of my life too hard. Maybe I need to work on accepting the fact that I may go back to work. Maybe I need to stop looking for happiness and stop fighting my current situation so hard.

That doesn’t sound right; I’m not sure anyone else would understand what I’m talking about. I don’t mean that I should stop looking for work, or stop exercising, or stop trying to get more sleep, and so forth. I mean that I’m fighting getting a job, I’m fighting giving up school, I’m fighting being the strong one for now. Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I’m being selfish right now, more so than I had realized. I don’t know. I don’t know what the answer is, but adjusting my attitude can’t hurt.

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