Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Here we go…

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I started my job search today. It made me more depressed – and I didn’t think that was possible. I suppose my family will be happy – at least something is happening; the thought of going back to the “career” I left just makes me feel worse, though. Well, as everyone keeps telling me, you’ve got to do what you have to do.

I’m trying to keep in mind that nothing is forever. I don’t have to stay at the next job forever. We just need something to get us through our current situation. Besides, you never know – I could find something that interests me, something with a good environment. I was just so relieved to leave my career behind when I was laid off the last time. I was a secretary/administrative assistant for roughly 16 years through various companies. I was fine at what I did, but I found any number of companies that view secretaries as office furniture. Frankly, I got very tired of that and it showed toward the end. I wonder if I can go back and really do a good job. I’m sure I can, but I wonder if I can get past the ads. I’ve been looking at job ads for two weeks now and I keep finding myself thinking, “Well, I COULD do that … but why would I?” That kind of attitude is going to keep me from applying for jobs, let alone interviewing for one!

I decided today that I may as well take the plunge and apply. I submitted my resume for four that sound tolerable. And of course, it could take a while to even get a response to any of my resumes so I’m probably worrying for nothing. I know that I need to get interview clothes but I’m going to hold off until there is an actual interview to worry about.

Maybe this will get my family off my back. I certainly hope so; I don’t really want to talk to anyone right now.

My biggest concern is how this will affect my children. My youngest is 3 months old and I had hoped to continue to nurse her and to be home with her as much as I could with college. Of course, life is full of surprises and changes and sometimes you have to just go with the flow, but … this is a disappointment to me. I know that if I end up putting her on formula/bottles she will be fine; I know that, really. But I really want to give her the best start I can. This is one of those reasons I really get frustrated by my family interfering and poking at me, even though I know they mean well. I’m worrying about things other than the job situation and I don’t think that they are thinking of those things. Oh well. We’ll see where this goes. It may go nowhere, if no one wants to hire me after a 3 year absence from the job market.

I can do this. And I can do it cheerfully, to help us out of this situation. I can go back to office work and do a great job. I just have to set my mind to it and accept the current situation for what it is, not what I wish it was.

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