Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

I’m doing the best I can…

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I’m still thinking about my father’s call several days ago.  I hate it when this happens, and I cannot let go of something.  I’m sure that I could be handling our current situation better, but I’m really doing the best I can.  Really!  I am certain that I could be more proactive about this but damn, I’m tired (sleep-deprived), have a new baby and a toddler to contend with, and I’m depressed on top of it all.  I know that my husband is depressed, but he’s got fewer physical issues to contend with than I do.  I cannot help him right now.  If he needs a kick in the pants, I’m afraid it isn’t coming from me.  Honestly, I’ve been going under the assumption that there are two adults in this house that can take care of themselves for a bit, even through depressions.  Mind you, I do try to take care that I don’t make things more difficult for him and I do try to take some of the day-to-day burdens off of him (well, as much as I can between feeding children and, occasionally, myself) but I cannot live his life for him.  I cannot run his job search for him.

It is kind of funny – writing that last sentence, I realized that my stepmother probably would try.  She is an organizer of the highest order and quite the General in the family.  I know that she keeps my father in line!  I suspect she might be behind the calls trying to instigate me to action.    I like her but she’s a driven person.  And she gives orders like there is no tomorrow.

Well, one thing I am trying to do to change my situation (and that IS the question: what can I do to change my situation?) is to get my husband to go to the doctor.  I believe that he’s depressed.  I also believe that medication would help him get off his butt and get moving again.  My father suggested counseling, and while I’m sure that is a good idea in other circumstances, I don’t really think it is necessary here.  We know EXACTLY what the cause of the depression is: the loss of his job over a year ago and the lack of job prospects now.  No mystery there.   Of course, it is Saturday now so he won’t be able to call the doctor until Monday, but I am going to nag him then to get an appointment.

Really, I do wish there was more I could do to help him.  He’s stopped eating as healthy as he was trying to, stopped exercising, stopped taking his vitamins…sigh.  But I’m over my head right now.  Two depressed people in one house is absolutely awful.

[One side note: I am going to give more thought to the question about what I can do to change my situation.  Maybe something will come to me.] 

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