I had an odd thought last night. You see, I have a LiveJournal account. I never thought I’d keep a blog – the only reason I started that one was to keep up with my friends. For periods of time, reading their LJs is the only way I know what’s going on with them. That’s all well and good, but what made me decide to keep THIS journal somewhere I know they won’t be looking for me? What made me decide not to share this with them? Why have I not been comfortable enough on LJ to start this exploration there? I may post an entry there about this, but I have not decided. Another thing…why did I decide to leave this open for others to find? Is it ok for strangers to read but not my friends? Am I afraid that they’ll find something out about me and not like me any more?
I don’t know the answers to any of those questions. And I’m not going to move this to LJ. As I said, I might post either a link to this or parts of this blog there but I may not. I cannot decide.
I think part of the problem is that I’ve always felt self-conscious about blogging where ANYONE could read it. I have felt a pressure to be interesting, to make myself and my life interesting…and well, it is just your average life. It has interesting moments, it has dull moments, it has tragedy and comedy and so on. I couldn’t tell you what’s changed but something has. Maybe I’ve realized that many other people face the same questions about themselves that I’m asking myself.
Well, I think this blog has a purpose far different from that of my LJ account. I’m going to keep them separate. If I decide my friends might be interested, I can always direct them here.
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Returning to my questions from the last entry (August 13), I’m still curious about three things:
- What things do I really enjoy doing?
- What things fascinates me?
- If I could do anything I want, what would it be?