Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?

Trying to keep my head above water…

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August 13, 2007

I really haven’t had a whole lot of time in the last three-four years to give much thought to who I am, what I’m really interested in, what makes me happy, and so on. College and two children will really keep you going. Add to that family crises like job loss and four deaths (two terribly sudden, two completely expected) and you’ve got a formula for numbness and just stumbling along.

Well, lately I’ve realized that (a) I am depressed and (b) life should be much more than what mine has been. Don’t get me wrong; I love my children and wouldn’t change having them at all. I’ve just realized that it is important to really live life, appreciate it, and enjoy it. I’d like to teach my children how to handle stress better than I have, how to get through tough situations with grace and aplomb (if at all possible). I’ve got to wake up in order to do that.

Now, I guess I need to start considering various questions and questioning parts of my life. What can I do to change my situation? What can I do to make myself happier? What do I need to do to get out of the rut in which I’ve found myself? What things do I really enjoy doing? What in this world am I really, seriously fascinated by? If I could do anything I wanted, what would I do?

I want to do more than keep my head above water. I want to soar.

********   ***   ********

 Now, to answer the questions I mentioned above.

    What do I need to do to get out of the rut in which I’ve found myself?   I can challenge myself in some fashion.  I started with “43 Things” online and I’ve recently started working on “101 Things in 1001 Days.”  I’m trying to work on at least one or two of my goals daily.  It gives my day more focus – which I definitely needed.

    What can I do to make myself happier? I can start by taking better care of myself.  I took a week off from getting back into an exercise routine because of minor surgery.  Now I need to get back to it.  I also need to be sure I get a reasonable amount of sleep – as much as I can manage with a small baby.  I need to be sure that I’m doing something nice just for me each day – or that I can do one thing that I really enjoy each day.  Life shouldn’t be all work, after all.  I may write a separate entry on this one – give it more thought.

I think the other questions need more time and space.  I’ll return to those later.  At least I’m making a start.  I feel like I’ve neglected myself and I’m slowly waking up to that fact.  Better late than never, I suppose.  I’ve seen people who seem to sleep-walk through life.  I don’t want to do that, and I want to show my children how to live life to the fullest.

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