Being Me…

and discovering that that is quite the roller coaster ride. Wanna come along?


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A Day at the Park

Ok – it wasn’t a day.  It wasn’t even two hours, but it was as long as I could take the anxiety.  Mom, my son Alex, and I went to an enclosed park/playground with Sophie.  It is the only place that I know of locally that Sophie can run around free.  Of course, I was completely paranoid the entire time and followed her closely.  I think we need to do this again as much for me as for her, so that I can learn to not hover over her and let her have some fun.

At any rate, she did run all over the park, leading me on quite a bit of walking/running.  I gave her space but not so much that I couldn’t cover it in a heartbeat as needed.  I think she had a great time.  Eventually, Alex and I both got tired of keeping up with her so much and we decided to call it a day, but we at least got some time out in the fresh air.

This taught me a lot.  I realize now how anxious I do get out in public, and why I haven’t taken her very many places.  This level of stress and anxiety isn’t healthy in large doses.  It also taught me that she needs to go to this park from time to time so she can experience a little freedom and independence.  That would probably be good for both of us.

 

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Strength and Creativity Needed

Well, our daughter is going to be the death of me.  She has, in the past week, tipped over two dressers.  She is fine; the first dresser is not.  We have been using the dressers/wardrobes to keep her out of the windows and away from the blinds/curtains.  I don’t know how much longer we can do that and I have NO idea what we’re going to do after they cease working.

The dressers are now anchored as securely as we could make them in a rental.  I think this will work for a while.  But what next?  I cannot think of any good solutions.  There are window locks that can be installed but are they secure enough for a very determined child?  If we put the window locks in and move the dressers, we will have to take the curtains down or she will rip them down.  And we wouldn’t be able to close the blinds because she will break them.  So then what?  I don’t like the idea of leaving her windows open to the public, not that there is much walking traffic behind our apartment.  We’re in a rental so we can’t tint the window or frost it or anything similar.  I just don’t know.  I’m trying to think ahead but it is frustrating and worrisome.  I can feel my anxiety rising.  Sigh.  Nobody told me just how creative I would have to be to foil my daughter….

On a brighter note, we picked up our son’s glasses today.  They are round and rather cute on him.  At least that is taken care of for a while.  I also met the school psychologist who will be working with him monthly to work on some issues he’s had at school.  She is young but very nice (I’ve noticed that the older I get, the younger others look!).  I think that Alex will be in good hands.  She asked a lot of good questions and we had a good talk.


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Two Weeks of Summer Left and All’s Well

Well, things have improved.  I don’t feel as down as I did last time I posted.  I suppose it is a cycle.  If I can just keep putting one foot in front of the other, things usually get better.

In two weeks, school starts again and my work schedule will go back to normal.  I imagine that getting back to a normal routine will be good for all of us.  There are things I need to take care of that are much easier to deal with when the kids are in school.  I know our daughter, bless her heart, will do much better once she readjusts to a school schedule.  Naturally, our son (12) is NOT counting the days – lol, he lives for an unscheduled life.  Little does he know, he doesn’t have a whole lot left of that – and I’m going to let him enjoy it as long as possible.

I’m sleeping better and imbibing less alcohol – not that I really drank all that much, but still cutting back has made a noticeable difference.  I’m not exercising like I want, but that too should change once school gets back in session.  At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.  Maybe I will work on that this week.  I should, I know.

I went to the library this weekend.  I am trying to get back into some of the things I used to enjoy: reading, writing, crocheting.  I just stopped doing them a long while back.  I’m sure it was depression.  And I’ve never really picked any of them back up.  I think it would be good for me to restart those activities.

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