Being Me…

1. Get a storage unit. We’ve got to declutter the house before we try to sell it - lots of things need to move, move, move. Well, ok - lots of things also need to be thrown out; that leads to number 2 on the list.
2. Clean out our stuff. What do we REALLY not want to move again? I plan to donate some books to the library rather than haul them around again. Also, there are things I can probably donate to a women’s shelter. This will take some time - I really should start soon, like this week.
3. Clean the house. Not much to add to this.
4. Clean out the flower beds. They have become overgrown and weed-y. I need to remove the old plants that are just kind of mixed together and put in simple, easily cared for plants.
5. Clean the windows. They haven’t been cleaned in a while and it would be nice is prospective buyers could see out!
6. Make a list of who to notify about the move. I need to make a list of everyone that will need to be notified of the address change or of the cancellation of services.
7. Look for and apply for jobs in the new area. I’m including updating my resume and posting it online in this one.
8. Get my hair cut. Gotta look nice for the job hunt - and this might be the last time to get it cut by my regular stylist.
9. Write letters to my grandmothers. I’m trying to stay in touch as best as I can right now - at least one letter (with pictures of the kids) per month. They seem to be enjoying it.
10. Catch up on my reading. I’ve really let this slide.
11. Catch up on my crafts. I really, really need to work on this. Not because what I’m making is so earthshattering - just because it relaxes me and is a good way for me to de-stress. Goodness knows I need that right now.
12. Lose weight. Well, this will probably be easier when our situation improves, but I really need to start working on it. I need to get away from “comfort foods” - or at least eat less of them. I need to get more exercise and take better care of myself NOW rather than later.
13. Make more lists. I need to really start organizing for the move.

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13 things I regret

1. I regret not being kinder to Lori - a girl I got to know on the bus. I was embarrased by the fact that I knew (in the way that young pre-teens/teens know) that everyone was looking down on me for being her friend. Really, I’m sure no one noticed - I should have been nicer.
2. I regret not trusting my own knowledge of myself in terms of what career to go into. I listened to my family - to my great detriment - and I am still trying to dig myself out. They don’t (and didn’t) know me as well as they thought.
3. I regret being kinder than I should have in certain circumstances. Some people really take advantage of that sort of thing.;
4. I regret worrying so much about so many things as a teen - really, it all turned out (for the most part) ok. The things that are a problem now - I wasn’t worried about then!
5. I regret many of the things I said to my parents as a teen. If only I knew then what I know now…
6. I regret that I wasn’t stronger as a child; I should have stood up for a number of people that I knew. I was too afraid.
7. I regret stealing paper from a company that I worked for a long time ago. I’m far better than they are - or were; they have actually closed that office.
8. I regret hiring a friend as a subordinate. Of course, I wouldn’t have made him my subordinate - that was my boss’ decision; a poor one, I might add.
9. I regret telling my family about abuse that happened to me. Since then they’ve decided I need to “reconcile” with the cousin who abused me. Sigh.
10. I regret pushing my family away, keeping them at arms’ length. Yes, I’ve got some issues with them, but that isn’t the solution and I could be missing out on good relationships. (Excepting that one cousin that abused me - don’t miss that relationship)
11. I regret leaving band early in high school. Would it have killed me to have stuck out one year once the band director I adored left?
12. I regret so much of my teen years. I regret friends that I had then, I regret not getting to know others better.
13. I regret not getting counseling after telling my parents that I had been abused as a young girl. ALWAYS seek counseling - and as parents, always, always, always get the child counseling. My parents took my word, as a 16 year old, that I was fine. I wasn’t.

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Today was fairly calm.  I didn’t talk to my parents.  I didn’t worry about what my husband was…or wasn’t … doing with his time.  I just played with the kids, bought some groceries, and did what I wanted with the little spare time I had.

Really, I think I’ve got to turn the ringer on my phone off or simply screen my calls until I can muster up the courage to tell my parents to leave me alone.  They are calling with advice on how I should handle the current financial situation.  I understand their concern, but they are really stressing me out.  Ugh.  I really don’t need MORE stress.  If they aren’t going to help me, I wish they’d stop making things worse.  Of course, they don’t realize they are stressing me and making things worse.  I just don’t know how to tell them to back off.  I’ve got to think of a tactful way to talk to them.

I also managed to spend some time looking up women role models for girls - women that little girls can look up to (powerful women, scientists, artists, writers, and so on).  I learned a lot in the process - a lot about women that I was never taught about in school.