Being Me…

Things are about to change.  We have decided to sell the townhouse and move back “home” - back to where the majority of our families are.  We’ll then have help with the kids, help getting  back on our feet, help and support in any number of ways.  It feels good, it feels like the right decision even if it is a little sad.

I’m going to miss my townhouse, the rooms that I’ve gotten just the way I want them.  I’m going to miss my yard, even though I never arranged it the way I wanted.  I’m going to miss my neighborhood with its nice paths and playgrounds and lake.  I’m going to miss the convenience of everything around me.

It will be ok, though.  We’re finally taking steps in the right direction and moving on with our lives.

Well, it is now the first of March. Where does the time go? Where are we as a family going? I just don’t know what is going to happen to us. I know life is full of uncertainty and change. I do realize that sometimes things don’t go according to plan. I’m really ok with change. My problem right now is that my whole life has changed over the past three years - I mean from top to bottom. Nothing at all is as it was.

What are we going to do? Are we going to continue to try to stay where we are, even though neither of us has had much luck in terms of getting a job for some time now? Are we going to pack up and move “home” to Virginia Beach, where we can get some help from family? If we do that, it will mean moving in with one set of parents until we can get back on our feet. We’ve been trying to avoid that (it feels like such a failure), but maybe it is necessary. Maybe it is time.

I’m so afraid. I don’t want to be; I’ve got two kids and I don’t want to stress them. I’m glad that they are so young that they won’t remember this period of their lives. We cannot go on this way though. Changes must happen - of one sort or another. By not taking a direct action, we are in fact making a decision. We really need to look at that and make sure that it is a good decision - or actually change our course.