Yay! Another year under the belt!
Well, ok, I do realize that getting older IS better than the alternative…
Nonetheless, I’ve decided to mark this occasion as the 10th anniversary of my 29th birthday! I’m thinking of coloring my hair too – too much gray coming in now!
Things are … well, they are going. I have good days and bad, some days where I feel normal and fairly well-balanced and others where I feel NOTHING is going my way. I suppose that that describes most people, but this is worse than I’ve ever experienced. It is like being on an out of control roller coaster. Still, today was good – I am tired but not exhausted. I had a terrific lunch with my husband. The evening with the kids wasn’t a stress-filled one. The day was beautiful and my husband and I managed to take a brief walk in the afternoon.
All in all, I think I can go to bed and feel fairly good about the direction the day went in; I think I can do it and not fear tomorrow so much. That’s a good feeling these days; frankly, I’ve been having days when it was just depressing to think of getting out of bed!
So tired…
I’ve been too tied up with recent events to post like I wanted to. There was so much I wanted to do with this blog – now I wonder how I’ll ever manage to keep it going. Sigh.
I have gone back to work, I’m living with my in-laws, I have moved away from my friends so I’m lonely, I have a one- and a three-year-old, and my husband is currently traveling weekends back to our townhouse in preparation for our final move (this weekend) and closing a week from tomorrow.
Things are improving – but slowly. I wonder how – or if – I’ll adjust to my new life. I wonder if I’ll ever have time to blog, time to play games, time to unwind. (Why yes, I am a bit tired, why do you ask? I’m afraid I do tend to look at things a bit … negatively … when I’m tired. Maybe tomorrow will bring a better perspective.)
Hanging in there…and fighting the desire NOT to write
You know, I think it is really important to me (and FOR me) to keep this blog. I think it is very important that I have a place to pour all of this out, all of this depression, grief, and so forth. I think it is important to find out what makes me tick, what makes me sad, mad, giggle, and so forth.
But the depression I’ve been suffering from for some time now has really been effective at stopping me. I just haven’t felt up to doing ANYTHING creative lately. I haven’t felt like expending energy beyond the bare necessities lately and that is not a good thing. Now that I look at it, I think that I have been sinking back into ruts that I thought I had moved beyond. Well, I suppose that it is a good thing that I stop from time to time and look at my habits and my recent behaviors!
Anyway, I really intend to do better. I don’t want to be this unmotivated. I don’t like this at all.
