Being Me…

I guess that you’d call her a teacher. This woman is coming out once a week to help our family - to help our son “catch up” and get up to speed on things that he should be doing by now. Anyway, our first session was yesterday and I think it went very well. Our son demonstrated just how quick on the uptake he can me.

We were working on the sign for more (showing him the sign and saying more - hopefully he’ll start signing or speaking the word). Suddenly, he grabbed the teacher’s hands and made her make the sign! She had only made the sign once or twice, but he showed he understood it. Perhaps it is a small thing, but with so many people saying that there is something wrong, it relieved me to have someone else see that yes, he does understand what is being said.

In addition, while they were playing with bubbles, she asked him where he wanted the bubbles to go and he pointed up. Mind you, he did that on his own - a good, real response to a question. She was pleased by that as well.

He was bashful through this whole process - the teacher (Stacey) indicated that that is probably why he made the sign for more with HER hands rather than his own. She said he will probably be more comfortable doing it on his own in OUR presence rather than hers, at least until he gets used to her.

All in all, after this first session, I feel better. I feel like he’s doing fine and will probably make good progress. I feel like there’s hope. I can’t exactly explain why, but this session was very comforting to me. I guess I need a spot of hope somewhere in my days these days.

Well, we should be getting closer to making some decisions about where to go from here with our son.  We’ve got a meeting on Wednesday afternoon with the people from the county to hear their recommendations.  I expect that it will involve the county school system, since this program that they actually work with only helps children up to the age of 3 and our son is now over 2 and a half.  We’ll see, I guess.

I am fairly nervous about it.  I’ve never thought of myself as “anti-government” but I just get nervous thinking about the county or any government agency making recommendations about my child.  What do they know - the government can’t take care of itself!  I’m going to try to reign that in and at least listen to what they have to say.  That much can’t hurt, I suppose.

The rest of the week should be ok.  I’m turning 38 this week; that is a bit depressing, but it is actually better than NOT turning 38, so I’m trying to keep it in perspective.  I get to visit with family later this week, and more than likely that will result in my husband and me being able to go out and have a nice, hot meal together.  That would be lovely.

I am still trying to pick up the pieces from yesterday’s evaluation of my son.  My friends and family have been very supportive and encouraging so I think I’m mostly back on track - I just have a tiny little voice in my head saying, “You haven’t been doing enough.   You haven’t been working hard enough.” (And so on.)  I’m trying really hard not to listen because, well, what’s done is done and I really was doing the best I could under the circumstances.

I’m just rather tired now.  I keep hoping that 2008 will be a much better year than 2007, but I wonder.  Well, it is too early to tell, of course, so I am just going to keep going.  All I can do is the best I can do; everything else will just have to take care of itself.

I am also trying to focus on things to be grateful for; I would really like to change my focus from a more negative one to something more positive.   Today I am grateful for the overall good health of both children.  I’m grateful for my health as well.  I’m grateful to have a warm house and a roof over our heads.  I’m grateful for the care and concern of friends and relatives (and for people who have commented on my blogs recently).  I’m grateful for friends who have been supportive and have tried to help take my mind of things for a little while.  All in all, there is a lot that is good in my life and I really need to stop and remember that when I start worrying and getting anxious again.