Woo-hoo…I’m an employee
With benefits and sick/vacation time and everything! Yay!
Ok, nothing has really changed with the job, I’ll admit. I already worked on things that most companies I worked for in the past would never have put a temp on, so access hasn’t changed. Still, it feels a little more secure (even though I know that’s an illusion) and that makes me happy.
That’s one problem down – and quite a number a head of me…but I’m happy, so happy, to scratch one off the list and move on. I’ll get my life back in order even if it is a small step here, a small step there…and at a snails’ pace. At least I’m moving in the right direction.
Oh and, 2008? Don’t let the door hit you on the way out…
Yes, things have improved of late but I cannot honestly say I’m not ready for a new year. This one has really worn out its welcome – actually, it had done that by June or so, but we won’t dwell on that.
I’m not as strong as I thought…
Well, I guess that isn’t exactly true. I’ve decided to go back on antidepressants. That doesn’t make me weak. That just means I’m in a situation in which I need some help. I have finally reached the point of admiting that I need help, and reaching out for it. There’s nothing wrong with that. Now I know that there is a point at which I need the assistance of others, that I need some help. I’m discovering that despite what I’ve thought in the past, I do need others. I do need to lean on others sometimes. And that is OK.
I’m tired. I”m so tired. I think the changes that we’ve been making lately have finally started to hit me. I think I finally recognize that I’ve left my home, my community, my friends. I miss my house, etc. I miss it all. I miss the life I had. I need to let go of it and I’m having a hard time with that. I finally am starting to deal with the reality of “starting over”. And it is hard. It is painful. How long is this going to go on? How far down can I sink? I don’t know. I know that life is full of ups and downs; I’ve experienced that before and had no problems dealing with the ups and downs. This is the longest downturn I’ve experienced in my life. I’ve been depressed for pretty much most of the last four years. That is a long, long time. Yes, there have been times that were normal in the early part of it, but they became fewer and farther between.
I need to find ways to cope, to do the things that I must do.
I’ve decided to post this. This is from June of this year and I never got back to it. I have come back from the depths and it is truly amazing to realize how fast things can turn around and how close changes can be to a person without them thinking about them realizing it.
