Being Me…

We had a trip to Virginia Beach over the past week - that’s why I haven’t posted much recently.  It was fantastic; it was not stressful, it involved a lot of relaxation and just … being.  My family has apparently finally realized that they have been adding to my stress, not relieving it, and they’ve cut it out.  (Thank goodness - I don’t need that kind of help!)

I was able to visit with my brother- and sister-in-law - and that is always good.  I also had a chance to go to Nags Head to see my stepsister at her timeshare.  My mother and I rode down together and the three of us spent the afternoon relaxing and talking; it was wonderful.  Who knows - I might actually be able to develop a good adult relationship with both of them!  That might be wonderful!

I have been worrying a lot about our situation (go figure - both of us without jobs and we have two small children). Well, that really doesn’t help anything. The question right now is, “What can I do to improve our situation/my life?”

There are things I can do on the financial front.

• I can get haircuts a bit less frequently.
• I can make recipes that stretch food a bit more - things that are filling but take less meat for example.
• I can look at less expensive fruits and vegetables.
• I can make sure that the loads of laundry are full.
• I can look into insurance since we’re going to need to change soon.

There are things on a stress-relief level:

• I can write down my worries at night before bed and pick it up in the morning.
• I can take 15 minutes a day to have peace and quiet or listen to music.
• I can take the time to soak in nice bath once  a week.
• I can get out of the house once a week, even if I don’t have errands that need running.

I’m having a wonderful visit with family this weekend, really the first in a long while.  The last few visits have been marred by stress about dealing with my stepfather and my baby daughter not sleeping well.  This time things seem to have improved.

Well, I guess I should clarify.  The first night my daughter (8 months) slept about 8 hours total - not all in a row either.  My total sleep over the course of the night was about 5 hours (not in a row, unfortunately!).  Last night was a vast improvement, despite the fact that I was completely paranoid about the possibility of her waking up.  I actually got a good night of sleep!

As for my stepfather, this visit is improved because I’ve not been around him much.  Add that to the fact that for the first time in a very long time I’ve been free to visit with my mother alone (well, without him) and you’ve got the makings of a good visit.  It has been so wonderful to be able to freely talk with my mother and to see her freely enjoying time with her grandchildren.  It seems like most visits, my stepfather finds reasons to keep her away from them - not this time.  Yay!

It has been a relaxed visit, which has been good for me and my husband, as well as all of the family.  We’ve had wonderful home-cooked meals, rather than trying to rush around eating out or visiting a lot of folks over meals at restaurants.  It has been a slower pace and that has been great.  My husband has managed to get out two nights now to see friends (and his brother), which is great for him.

I am beginning to see that there are two things that I need more of in my life and both of them surprise me.  I need family visits more than I thought.  I’ve been pretty independent since I was in my late teens.  When my husband and I moved to the northern part of the state about 4 hours away from family, I never looked back.  I never experienced homesickness.  Now, I’m finding that I want a better relationship with my mother.  I want to see my aunts and uncles a bit more.  Maybe it is the fact that I’m a mother now.  I don’t know - but it is an interesting change after all these years.

The second thing that I’ve noticed that surprises me is that  I need to get out among people.  I am an introvert and generally speaking, I’m happy at home.  Working in offices stresses me and I used to go home and just try to shut out the world.  Well, I’ve been a homemaker for about 4 years now (also a college student for 3 of those years).  Since I stopped taking college classes, I’ve been pretty isolated.  I realize now that I do need contact with the outside world.  I’ve been out of classes for two semesters and I am ready to get back in touch with the world.  My friends and I are starting to get back together - for now, it is once a month - and it means more to me than I can say.  I think I’m going to put more effort into finding a play group or a Mom’s group to join.

Of course, I am trying to find a job.  When I get one, that will certainly change my contact with the world situation.  We shall see if I approach it differently now that I’ve been out of things for so long.