“I’m just so tired of being me…”

People keep finding this blog by searching for that.  I’m just so sorry.  It makes me feel so bad.  I’m tired of being me some days as well, but you know, the overall outlook is good.  Some days I’d really like to run away and join the circus, or move to England, change my name and my appearance….something.  But when I really look at things more closely, I love my husband, I love my two children…

I cannot imagine life without either my husband or my children.  Sure, there are days I think perhaps I could get more sleep and keep a neater house if only…but you know, my husband is a sweet person (basically), and my children … well, they’re precious.  Their sweet little faces light up when I walk in the room.  Today, my daughter grinned and held out her arms to me when I returned from an interview.  How do you NOT respond to that?

I wish I could encourage the people finding this blog by searching that phrase.  Give it some some. Get some sleep.  Make sure you are taking care of yourself.  Sometimes, given a little time, things don’t look quite so bad.  Everything will pass, given a little time – including happy events.  Hang in there.

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3 Responses to “I’m just so tired of being me…”

  1. Brianna says:

    I’m simply just tired of being me. I have depression issues, anger issues, and self esteem issues. My friends say I’m bi-polar.. I took a doctors quiz online once, and it said I had minor bi-polar issues. I’m just tired of being me. I’m still in school, which makes things so much worse. I feel like, If I wasn’t in school, things would be so much easier than it is now. When I look at all my friends, I realize how happy they are, and how depressed I always am. I always act like I’m happy around my friends, that way they won’t be asking me question all the time like, “Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” I understand they care, but I hate people worrying about me. They can’t fix my problems. Sure, theres a guy who makes me happy every now and then, but It’s never enough. He never talks to me long enough, and we never get to see eachother much. Therefore, the happiness only lasts for a little while. I just wish I was a different person sometimes because of this. Even my dad has noticed that I have been upset lately. He’ll ask me what’s wrong but I’ll never tell him because I know he can’t help me either. It’s almost as if.. he and my mom aren’t supportive enough for that sort of thing. I’ve told them once before and all they ever seem to say is, “Your fine the way you are.” They’re my parents. Of course they would say that. Every caring and loving parent would say that about their child no matter what. I really need help, but I don’t wanna go see someone who is proffesionaly trained for this sort of thing, because it makes me feel like I’m weird, and that I’m not normal like everyone else. I hate talking about.. well.. me. I can never really say ANYTHING good about myself at all. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Can anyone help me?

    Like

    • mmiller says:

      Trust me, you are not alone…and you certainly wouldn’t be alone if you went to see someone trained to help with depression. A lot of people are having trouble similar to yours for various reasons, particularly with the economy so bad. I do hope that you will go find someone to talk to – a therapist, a counselor, something a long those lines. Are you in college? If so, there might be someone in Student Services. If you’re in high school, maybe a counselor? Believe me, it can really, REALLY make a difference. I’m seeing a therapist now, and have been for a while. It started to deal with abuse in my past, but now I have a child who is a special needs child and my marriage is rocky. Talking to this therapist helps me get out some of the grief I feel for my daughter and it helps me sort through some of the problems in my marriage.

      I do understand covering your true feelings. I’ve done that for a very long time – it is a self-defense mechanism for me. I don’t let very many people get close because I’ve had serious issues with family and with betrayal of friends. I am finding, with therapy, that I am getting back to a healthier state – sharing my emotions, reaching out to friends, letting people who really want to help me actually help. When you look at your friends and see how happy they are, remember that they too could be hiding what they are really feeling.

      I know this is rambling but I do hope it helps. Know that you are not alone, Brianna.

      Like

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