Being me … in 2012

I will make this the year I “soar like an eagle”.  In order to do that, I really need to do several things – examine what I really need to do, the steps to take to achieve those things, and actually TAKE those steps.  I need to get out of the mire that I’ve bogged down in recently.  I need to take better care of myself.  I need to acknowledge that I’ve been overwhelmed and ask for help.

I will do all of those things, no matter how difficult they are for me.  I really don’t do well asking for help, for a number of reasons.  I realize now that the diagnosis we got for our daughter has really just wiped me out and I need help facing the future and preparing better for our future and hers.  I CAN be the wonderful, loving mother and strong advocate she needs (and a wonderful, loving mother to her brother as well)…I just need to prepare for it.

Is insane

My daughter was hospitalized for four days recently.  She’s four.  They checked her vitals every FOUR hours around the clock.  They ran blood tests every four or every TWO hours.  This does not make for a happy four year old.  She does NOT understand and she does NOT talk…consequently she DID scream.

And she STILL screams when a doctor tries to take her blood pressure.  Or approach with a needle.  Or do ANYTHING that she things is a gross personal invasion…sigh.

Unfortunately, with Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome, she has a lifetime of these sorts of experiences to look forward to; I may just quietly go mad, if nobody minds.

Sigh.

Being me…is being unfocused at the moment

But I am trying my best to recover my focus, my life, and my attitude.

I really don’t know why, but I have been in a funk, or a rut, or something along those lines, for quite some time.  Everybody has down periods and the like, but it has really been difficult for me to get motivated.

At any rate, I am trying now to pull myself out of this.  I am trying to take better care of myself – eating better, getting more exercise, and trying to pay attention to what my body is telling me.

I am trying to take better care of myself mentally – by reading, writing, and focusing on goals, like posting articles on a blog that I keep.  I have gotten good feedback in the past and I really think I should keep going and grow my blog and see where it goes.  I am trying to read more, both for fun and to broaden my horizons.  I want to expose myself to new ideas and keep growing, not just muddle about with  my long-held opinions.  You never know what you might learn, if you just open yourself up to the possibilities.

I am trying to take better care of myself emotionally as well.  I have a dear friend and I try to talk to him regularly, to check in and let him know how I am doing and what I’m thinking about.  I also check in on him, to make sure he’s doing well.  Reaching out is really helping me – it is helping me see past my own issues and to celebrate others’ successes and good times as well.  He’s teaching me a lot about how to truly be friend, how to truly listen, and so much more.